not THAT different

Going for a record

2011-12-15T14:20:00.000-06:00

Since it was Valentine's Day when I last posted here, I wonder if I could go for a new non-posting record. Like maybe a year or something.

What? Oh, shit. OK, then ... starting NOW!

Sharing is caring

2011-02-14T22:26:00.001-06:00

This past weekend, Fireball and I were watching the movie "9". It's a very good movie and she was engrossed. She was also being gross - absorbed in the movie, she was putting her finger in her nose and then slowly moving it to her mouth.

So I gently prompted her to break this pattern by saying, "Do you know that you're unconsciously picking your nose and eating the boogers?"

Startled, she replied, "OH! I AM sorry! That is so impolite of me! I should have offered you some. Would you like one?"

"No. Thank you", I said. "I have some Raisenets."

"Where do you think those come from?"

Keep me in your prayers, please. She's nine years old and I'm afraid for what the future holds at our house.

The Good Old Days

2011-01-31T23:37:00.000-06:00

Want an instant trip back to the carefree innocence of childhood? Try opening a big box of crayons and breathing deep a couple of times. For me – and everyone I’ve talked to – the smell of crayons conjures up memories of times long past spent indulging in the largely solitary pleasure of coloring. My kids, now 9 and 15, still have two huge cigar boxes full of crayons, and I admit to occasionally joining them in coloring just to fleetingly re-experience a time when I didn’t have to worry about bills or the house or the cars or the kids’ health or any of the other myriad problems that occupy a good portion of my life today. Ah, the good old days.

But in hindsight I see that those days were good largely out of ignorance. I didn’t know about war and poverty then. I didn’t know about segregation or discrimination then or the fact that I would experience them first hand simply for being myself. A part of growing up is learning that the world is not automatically a good place … and not automatically a bad place, either. The good old days are really just what we want to remember from our history but if we’re honest we’ll admit that there were some bad old days, too.

OK, so what? Things have been bad and things have been good for us all, but I think things were more bad than good for most of us who identify ourselves as transgendered. Some folks never really make it past the bad parts, but a bunch of us do. Those of us who find the courage to admit to ourselves who we are and then to realize that we are not inherently bad people because of that are the survivors. We have no way of knowing how many don’t make it this far, but there are more than a few of us who have survived. Thankfully, I think that circumstances are actually improving for transgendered people today. Nowadays, most of the population has a general idea of what being transgendered means. Also, it’s a lot easier to find resources and groups of others like us. The subject of transgendered people and their lives is openly discussed today. We’ve come a long way but we still have a long way to go, and I think that the next generation will have it a lot easier.

Even at the age of three, my daughter had a beginning grasp of the concept of gender versus sex, or probably more appropriately, behavior versus appearance. She denoted someone’s sex by calling people “boys” or “girls” based on their obvious appearance. But she also used two other words to describe people: “boy-head” and “girl-head”, and those words weren’t related to appearance but more to behavior. I’m not sure what specific criteria she personally used to determine which category someone belongs in, but she realized (and still realizes today) that appearance is not the only way to categorize people. (I do know that with regard to appearance, she calls ‘em like she sees ‘em. For instance, people are not “black” or “white” to her; they are “brown” or “pink”.) A girl friend at daycare who was pushy and loud was still a girl but was a “boy-head”, while her brother was definitely a boy AND a boy-head. Back then and continuing to today, her mother and I encouraged her and her brother both to realize that everyone is different but that regardless of how different anyone might be, they are still more like them than they are different. And I don’t think we’re alone in teaching our kids that.

The next generation – my children’s generation – will grow up knowing a lot more about a number of things, including being transgendered, than my generation did. Ignorance fosters fear while knowledge fosters acceptance; light dispels darkness. And while I don’t think that everything will ever be all sweetness and light (we’re talking about human beings, after all), I do believe that the really good old days are yet to come.

Halloween planning

2011-01-14T13:15:00.000-06:00

It occurred to me that if you were ever going to do someone in, rub them out, send them off for a dirt nap, etc., you should plan to do it right before Halloween. Then you could do all sorts of things with the body and just call them your Halloween decorations. Maybe just hang it up in a tree in the front yard. Especially if your neighbors already think you're kind of strange.

Planning ahead can pay off. Something to think about.

Here's lookin' at you, kid

2011-01-06T00:00:00.001-06:00

He held her hand as hard as he could, knowing that all his strength
now was but a feeble echo of what it used to be. He realized that his
grip was not to keep himself here but to keep her from going, to make
her stay and listen.

"Promise me," he whispered. "Promise me that you won't stop them from
taking this shell." He stopped speaking to try to pull enough air into
his weakened lungs to finish. "This shell I'm in now," he continued.
"Fucked over by that damned disease and then by the treatments that
were almost as bad. I'm ready to leave it and you don't need it but
maybe it will help them to figure out how to keep some other poor
son-of-a-bitch from going through this."

He felt her tears dropping slowly on his hand, and he paused to savor
the warm wet tracks they left across his wrist on their journey to the
sheet. He knew he only had a very short time left and wanted to get
done speaking before he got done breathing. Gathering the last of his
strength, he feebly went on.

"You know I love you. I've always loved you and I always will. I'll be
with you as long as you remember me. And I know you love me, but now
you have to let me go, to let go of this physical me, anyway. I'm
ready to be done with all this pain and bullshit, and I need you to
tell me that you will be OK with that when I do."

He felt her hand tighten on his as her tears continued to fall and
then he heard her quiet reply. "I promise. I love you, and I know it's
a good thing you're doing. You know I could never stop you from doing
a good deed and this is just one more."

"Good," he rasped. "I'm tired now, so you can go in just a minute
while I get some sleep." He smiled a little and finished in a barely
audible whisper, "Here's lookin' at you, kid."

She smiled a little through her tears and replied with her half of
their exchange, "We'll always have Vegas." His labored breathing faded
as did the remnants of his grip, and she knew that he had finally
left. She squeezed his now lifeless hand one last time as she looked
up at the doctor standing on the other side of the bed and nodded. She
had had months to prepare herself for this moment and although it
seemed vaguely familiar because of that, it was still heart-wrenching.
She stood and slowly turned to leave the room.

"If it's any comfort to you," the doctor said, "despite all he went
through, his corneas are still viable and we have a recipient here
that can use them."

Her smile got bigger and still facing the door she replied, "It's nice
to know that part of him will still be looking at someone." As she
walked out of the room she whispered again, "And we'll always have
Vegas."

What can go rong?

2010-12-27T15:57:00.001-06:00

I recently posted the steps I took to change my identification paperwork here in Texas. It was a fairly straightforward process, but that doesn't mean that it's not without its pitfalls. Here are some of the things that I learned while changing mine.

In general, I was not initially prepared to sit. and wait. and sit some more. and wait. and wait. There's a lot of nothing to do - court, government offices, etc. - so be ready for it. Use the restroom before starting your wait, just so you don't have to leave. You can't eat or drink in most waiting areas, so don't count on that distraction. And all government buildings are non-smoking facilities. In most courtrooms, you are not allowed to read or do much of anything besides just sit and wait. Cell phones are not allowed to be used at all in court, although you can sometimes sneak it in. However, phones MUST be silent.

COPY EVERYTHING YOU SEND IN OR TURN IN OR THAT'S GIVEN TO YOU! Then bring copies of all your paperwork with you regardless of where you're going or what you're doing. It's not a lot of paper to carry around and you never know when you might need something.

Cash is king! I found it easier to just get the money I needed rather than worry about whether a given facility takes plastic or checks or money orders. Plus, oftentimes the credit card or check you have to use is in the name you're trying to change. Avoid the confusion. Find out in advance how much you'll need for a given transaction and then get that amount, plus a little extra, in cash from the bank. Do I need to tell you to make sure you get a receipt? Didn't think so.

Changing my name was easy. Changing gender, not so much. I had to go to court several times to get my gender changed. Texas law says you have to go to court in the county where you live, although there are ways to get around this. I don't know how to do that because I didn't have to do that. However, because I live in two different counties (Travis during the week, Fort Bend on weekends), I could go to two different courts, and I did - once in Fort Bend and twice in Travis. The judge in Fort Bend County, who had granted me my name change earlier, told me that he didn't think he had the authority to change my gender identifier when I returned to his court, so he refused my petition. After talking with the court clerk in Austin who had volunteered to assist with gender changes (HI SYLVA!), I then refiled an updated petition in Travis County, to the tune of another 250 bucks. The first judge there said that he didn't like some of the wording in my petition, but rather than refuse it, he simply took no action and told me to come back with an amended petition. I found out after my court appearance that the session I was in was that judge's final one in court; he had been voted out of office. But I updated my petition like he wanted and went back to court yet again. The third judge (in Travis county) was very nice, looked over my petition and wished me luck after signing the gender change order. If I could have kissed her, I would have! So, be aware that judges are human and are therefore all different and may not all be ready to immediately grant a gender change petition.

Finally, don't count on getting your actual documentation immediately. The federal government actually came through the fastest with my passport and Social Security card in a couple of weeks. Maybe I was just lucky and got in during a slow spot. The state was fairly quick with my voter registration card but took almost 7 weeks to get my driver's license to me. Your actual mileage may vary.

Finish the report

2010-12-14T11:13:00.000-06:00

SHIT, it's been really cold lately! OK, not here where I am but most other places. OK, not REALLY cold here but tolerable. Because I HATE the cold!

When I first moved to Connecticut while in the Navy long, long ago, one of the problems I had was with the winter weather forecast there. Coming from the Gulf coast of Texas, the Connecticut winter report always sounded to me like it was getting cut off.

Weather reporter: "The high today will be nine." And in my head, I kept thinking "Nine what? NineTY one? NineTY eight? Where's the rest of the damned number?"

I HATE the cold! I sweat a whole lot better than I shiver. And while cold will make your nipples bigger (until they fall off from frostbite) sweat is Nature's lube. Yes, it is. Stay hot, y'all.

A brief exchange

2010-12-10T23:25:00.000-06:00

Redheaded Spouse: "I think I'm going to take advantage of the warm weather and go outside and do some weeding tomorrow."

Pink Guy: "You gonna do some witing and withmetic, too, while you're out there?"

I LOVE my smart-ass kids!

Documentation Change 101

2010-12-09T18:10:00.003-06:00

When changing your gender, sooner or later you will need to change your documentation. This is how I did it. The caveats: I did this in Texas, and I have no idea how that translates into getting it done in any other state. I did not change my birth certificate, but I did change my name, my gender identifier, my passport, my driver’s license and my Social Security card. I am not an attorney and what follows here is NOT legal advice, only how I went about doing it. I did not use an attorney, but only because I couldn’t afford one. For those who can afford an attorney, call Phyllis Frye in Houston, Texas. Her office number is 713-227-1717. She has a set rate for changing all the documentation for transgendered clients, normally in the several thousands of dollars range. If you have that kind of money, stop reading now and call Phyllis to set up an appointment. You’ve got enough to deal with without taking on any more hassles. Finally, I’m operating on the assumption that you already have the documentation listed above and wish to change it. That’s what I did and therefore that’s all I can tell you about.

This is the order that I followed in getting my documentation changed:

1. Name change

2. Passport

3. Gender identifier change

4. Driver’s license

5. Social Security

Here are the reasons I recommend this order: To change your Driver’s license, you now need an official name and gender change. These are both done via court order. To change your SS card, you need an official name change and either a new passport or official gender change. To get a gender identifier change, it is highly recommended to have a name change and new passport. To get a passport change, you need a name change. And all of these require a doctor’s letter.

The entire process took several months for me but that was only because of my schedule and having to sometimes wait for governmental machinery to slowly grind on. Depending upon the speed of the U.S. Department of State and the State of Texas, it could conceivably take weeks instead of months. Regardless, allow yourself time and don’t get frustrated when things seem to drag on forever. You’ll ultimately get ‘er done. Or get ‘im done, whichever.

Here are the things you will need to gather to complete this entire process:

1. Doctor’s letter

2. Petitions and orders

3. Fingerprint card

4. Applications

5. Money

Details about each of these are below. And for all the paperwork and applications you fill out and/or complete and/or receive, MAKE A COPY for yourself! There’s no telling when you just might need it later on.

Doctor’s Letter

The most important piece of paper you will need is a letter from the doctor overseeing your transition. Everything else depends on that document; if you don’t have one, you won’t get anywhere. The doctor needs to be an internist, endocrinologist, gynecologist, urologist or psychiatrist. The letter needs to be on the physician’s letterhead, which must contain the physician’s full name, address and telephone number. The letter or letterhead also must contain the doctor’s medical license/certificate number, the issuing state of the license/certificate and the doctor’s DEA registration number. The following form should be used for the body of the letter, as it contains the information needed to certify that you really are changing your gender. Substitute the appropriate data for the underlined portions. Your name in this letter should be the name you want to have post-transition -your new name. Some doctors may want to write their own letter, but the verbiage here must be in the letter in some manner. Be advised that the more extra stuff that is in the letter, the more it may distract from the main message, which is that the doctor is verifying that you are actually changing your gender.

Date

To whom it may concern:

I, Doctor Harley Areil Dock, M.D., a practicing physician specializing in gynecology, certify that Ms. Wanda B Femm with the DOB xx/xx/19xx and SSN of xxx-xx-xxxx and Texas Driver’s License number xxxxxxxx is transgendered, and is a patient of mine currently under my treatment at my clinic for the neuroendocrinological condition commonly referred to as transsexualism. She has received the proper clinical and irreversible medical treatment for transition to her new female gender, and I currently continue to serve as her physician overseeing her care and treatment.

I declare under penalty of perjury under the laws of the United States that the forgoing is true and correct.

Doctor’s Signature, M.D.

Doctor Harley Areil Dock, M.D.

To add a bit of authenticity, have the doctor’s signature notarized if it’s possible, although that’s not a firm requirement. If the doctor is willing to sign two identical original letters, do it, if only as insurance against loss or damage to the only original.

Petitions and Orders

In order to change your name or your gender identifier, you must file a petition with the court clerk’s office in the county where you live. The petition asks the court’s judge to issue an order granting you the change you petitioned for. This is normally done on the court’s uncontested docket, although you will have to check on what the details are in your county. You will give the judge your petition and the order you wish to be signed. The judge can modify the order you submit but normally doesn’t. Once the judge signs your order, you file it at the county clerk’s office and it becomes official. Which court you will go to will depend on the rules in your county, also. You’ll probably be in court with a bunch of other folks petitioning for other things. The most common is divorce followed closely by name changes. It is entirely possible to ask for more than one thing in a single petition, such as a simultaneous divorce and name change. It is possible to file for a name and gender identifier change in the same petition, but I found that it worked out better for me to do them separately. Doing it that way costs more though because you have to pay twice to file two petitions, but it’s less hassle in the long run.

Name changes are very common. You don’t really need any more reason to change your name other than “Because I want to”, but the reason you use in your petition should reference the fact that you will be changing your gender. Something like: “I am undertaking a new life in the female gender and wish to change my name to match my new gender.” (Use “male” gender if that’s the direction you’re heading.) Everything else that goes into the name change petition is self-explanatory. There are a number of websites that take you through the process of changing your name, including filling out and filing the petition, so I’m not going to detail those steps. You can Google “Name change Texas” and get a number of hits, but one of the sites I recommend is TexasLawHelp.org

The Petition and Order forms for name change are also on the above site but are Adobe PDF files that can’t be changed. You can print them and fill them out by hand, but if you want to type your entries for a more professional appearance, send me an email and I’ll send you the form templates in Word document format.

Changing your gender identifier is the same basic process as changing your name: fill out your petition, submit the petition to the clerk, go to court with your paperwork, get a signed order from the judge, you’re done. Follow the steps detailed on the website above for that process. However, the gender change is not nearly as commonplace as the name change, and if you’re reading this, you’re probably well aware of the negativity that can sometimes surround anything you do related to changing your gender. Judges and court personnel aren’t immune to that negativity, although I will say that 95% of the people I dealt with didn’t show me anything but respect and courtesy, and some were downright enthusiastic and more than willing to help. All I can tell you is to just do it and hope for the best. I have the forms in Word document format for the gender change Petition and Order that I’ll be happy to send to you if you email me asking for them.

When you submit your petition for gender change, bring the originals of all your other change paperwork. You will have to show them to the court clerk but they will most likely copy them and return the originals to you. You will need to submit a copy of your doctor’s letter. If you have completed your name change, submit a copy of that order. If you have completed changing your passport, submit a copy of the ID page in your new passport. You may need to submit a copy of your driver’s license. Even if the court clerk’s representative doesn’t specifically tell you to turn in the above copies, it’s not going to hurt to do so. It’s all just more evidence that you’re serious about all this. And it’s one of the reasons I recommend getting the name change and new passport before going after the gender identifier change. Finally, when you get your name change and gender identifier change orders, get at least two certified copies made of each when you file the order at the county clerk’s (not court clerk’s) office. The copies are usually $1 per page.

Fingerprint card

Both a name change and gender identifier change require you to submit a copy of your fingerprints. Many law enforcement agencies and some passport and security agencies will do this for you for a nominal sum. I’d recommend Googling “Fingerprint services” for your city/county or calling the sheriff’s department in your county. If the sheriff’s office doesn’t do it, they can usually tell you who does. If you submit your name and gender change petitions separately, you will need two fingerprint cards.

Applications / Forms

In addition to the forms for the court Petition and Order, you can also obtain the forms for changing your Social Security card and Passport online.

To obtain a new passport with your new name and gender, if your current passport is more than a year old, you will need to fill out a Department of State Form DS-11, which is the original application for a new passport, even if you already have a passport. The form to change your passport, DS-5504, can only be used if your current passport is less than one year old. The Department of State’s rules on filling out and submitting a passport application are here:

http://travel.state.gov/passport/get/first/first_830.html

The new rules on transitioning gender change for passports are here:

http://travel.state.gov/passport/get/first/first_5100.html

The DS-11 form, along with instructions on filling it out and submitting it, are here:

http://travel.state.gov/passport/forms/ds11/ds11_842.html

Basically, you need to provide the Department of State with the DS-11, two pictures (be sure to read and follow their rules about the pictures), your name change order and your doctor’s letter. Send in the originals of the order and letter. They will be returned with the passport. It took me about two weeks to get my passport with normal processing. Your actual mileage may vary.

The DS-5504 form and instructions are here:

http://travel.state.gov/passport/forms/ds5504/ds5504_2663.html

The Social Security application form (SS-5) is here:

http://www.ssa.gov/online/ss-5.pdf

When you open it you will see that it’s a PDF file but data can be entered into it and it can be printed or saved. Fill it out, print it and take it to your closest Social Security office along with your new passport and name change and gender identifier change orders. You can find the office nearest you here:

https://secure.ssa.gov/apps6z/FOLO/fo001.jsp

Be prepared to wait. Bring a book or something else to do to pass the time.

The form to change your driver’s license will be handed to you to fill out at the license office. It will take about a minute to complete it. At a minimum, you will need to bring the originals of your name and gender change orders. The clerk will copy them and give you back the originals. It wouldn’t hurt to bring your doctor’s letter and new passport, too. They will be taking your picture for your new license, so look nice when you go. You can also change your voter registration while changing your driver’s license. Check the box on the form and all your new license data is transferred to your voter registration card. Also, waits at the driver’s license offices can vary from none to a couple of hours. Come prepared to spend some time. You will get a temporary paper license with a black-and-white copy of your new picture when you leave the office. Your actual new license with the color photo will take about 6 weeks to arrive in the mail. If you changed your voter registration, it will take about one week to arrive. If you don’t know where the closest driver’s license office is, you can find it here:

http://www.txdps.state.tx.us/administration/driver_licensing_control/rolodex/search.asp

Money

Now for the bad news: only one of the processes above is free. You won’t have to spend any money to get your Social Security card changed, but you will have to invest some time. I waited at the SS office for an hour and a half to get to see someone to process my paperwork. The actual processing of my paperwork took 5 minutes.

Not including notary fees (because most banks will notarize for their customers for free) or copying or postage or gas or parking expenses, here are the costs:

Filing the petition: approx. $250 (varies by county) per petition.

Copies of orders: approx. $10 for 2 copies of both orders.

Fingerprint card: approx. $15 per card.

Passport pictures: approx. $20

Passport: $135

Driver’s license: $11

If you change your name and your gender identifier separately, your total cost should be under $750. And you can spread that out over time instead of coming up with it in a big lump sum up front.

So, that’s it. Hopefully this will help you in getting your documentation to match your new gender. If you have questions about my experience, I’ll be happy to answer them. If you have legal questions, I can’t really be of much help. I can point you to the following website where you will find a current copy of the Texas Constitution and the Texas Statutes.

http://www.statutes.legis.state.tx.us/

Name changes are covered in Chapter 45, Subchapter B, Sections 45.101 – 45.106 of the Family Code.

If you need to contact me, my email is JamiWard@weirdness.com. I will be happy to send you the templates for both the name and gender change petitions and court orders.

UPDATE: I have a further post on this topic here.

Good Luck!

All Done - for now

2010-12-07T22:39:00.001-06:00

This morning I shook a presiding judge's hand in court. I only shook her hand because hugging and kissing her would not have been ... judgely. Why did I want to hug her? Because she signed the order officially changing my gender from male to female. That was the final piece of paper I needed to complete my documentation transition. Because I did this all myself - without an attorney - it's been kind of an arduous journey to get my name and gender officially changed. But now my driver's license, passport, Social Security card, ATM card, credit card, etc. - my paper identity - match the identity between my ears. So, this part of my journey is over. And the rest of the journey lies ahead.

[For those who are reading this and would like to know what to do to change your name and gender identifier - IN TEXAS - stay tuned. I'll be putting up the instructions on how I did it soon.]

Karma

2010-12-05T01:43:00.000-06:00

Three weeks ago, Baxter, our middle dog, ran off. Redheaded Spouse was walking him in the morning and he charged off after a squirrel, jerking the leash out of her hand. When he missed the squirrel - as he always does - he just kept going. And disappeared.

You have to understand that we live out in the sticks. Yes, we live in something of a subdivision but it has 25 houses in over 90 acres surrounded on all sides by farms and ranch land. And creeks. And ponds and lakes. And woods. So when I say he disappeared, I mean he ran fast enough to round some corners and disappear from RS's sight.

This was not the first time that Baxter had taken off and he's always come back home within an hour or so. Not this time. When Fireball got home from school and found out that he wasn't back, she went door-to-door to our neighbors and asked them to keep an eye out for him. When he didn't come back by dark, serious worry set in. The kids went with RS and they drove around in the dark with our big floodlight looking for him and calling his name. And yes, looking for him as roadkill, too. No luck. No Baxter.

I got home the following day and cruised our area looking for him again. I submitted his description to the county Animal Control website. I put an ad in the newspaper. I made up signs with his picture and posted them at major intersections where people around us would be sure to see them. I walked the creek behind our house for several miles in either direction. I scanned fields. No luck. No Baxter. The weather turned very cold. It rained. We worried. We looked further and further away from home, but there were many places we simply couldn't get to so we couldn't look everywhere. We checked with Animal Control daily. No Baxter.

After days and days of no Baxter, some of us in our family began to give up hope. He hadn't turned up at the pound, no one had seen him and it was logical to believe that one of the packs of coyotes had gotten him or a big rig had gotten him or the weather had gotten him or he had managed to get the leash caught in the woods and thirst had gotten him.

But one of us never gave up hope. Redheaded Spouse KNEW that Baxter was still out there somewhere. So we all kept at it, but with most of us knowing it was likely a futile waste of time. But last Wednesday, she found a diamond ring on the ground near Fireball's school while looking for Baxter in the playground. The ring was gold with a number of diamonds and she handed it in at school the following morning, Thursday. They knew exactly who it belonged to: it turned out to be Fireball's teacher's 20th anniversary ring, and she was VERY grateful it had been found. RS turned down a reward.

Yesterday, Friday, was a gorgeous day. After seeing the kids off to school and walking the remaining two dogs, RS decided to get a cup of coffee and sit out on the back porch and enjoy the weather. And as she opened the back door, there sat Baxter. He still had the leash on his collar and was a little skinnier and a lot stinkier but in good shape. And now he's home again.

So, don't forget that while karma can be a bitch, you can make it your bitch. Good deeds are repaid.

Not that kind of person.

2010-11-24T21:41:00.002-06:00

Getting in the car today, a lady bug landed on Fireball's hand. She got in the car and announced that she was counting the spots on the bug's back. Because? According to a world-renowned expert on the link between insect pigmentation and fertility (a Doctor Fyrebal, I believe), if a lady bug lands on a young woman before she reaches puberty, the number of spots on said bug is a direct indicator of the number of children said woman will have in the course of her lifetime. After puberty, I assume. The count? An even dozen spots.

"Wow. I don't think I want more than like, maybe, two kids."

"Then don't have more than two. Do we need to have that talk again?"

"Please! I know where babies come from. And how they get there to start with."

"Just checking. So, let's just think of the dozen kids as an absolute maximum. How's that?"

"I'm thinking that maybe a fourth of the dozen would be a better maximum."

"Good work with the fractions there. And yeah, that's probably a better max. Now how about opening the window and letting the lady bug out?"

I'm trying but it doesn't want to fly off."

"Can you just flick it off?"

"Well, I could. But I'm not that kind of person."

"What kind of person?"

"You know - the kind of person who just goes around flicking people off. Unless it's my brother, of course. Because he deserves to get flicked off for picking on me. Oh, the lady bug just flew off."

(And yes, she knew exactly what she was saying. )

I WON!

2010-11-24T21:08:00.002-06:00

I WON THESE EARRINGS that Lori had as the prize on this month's giveaway on Project: Purse and Boots. I am totally thrilled because I really love these earrings from Danielle at Swoon Gems. And now? They're mine, ALL MINE!! (not to gloat or anything)

So, next time Lori has a giveaway, you should SO put your name in because you, too, could win something awesomely gorgeously cool! Like MY earrings.

Not yet

2010-11-18T13:53:00.000-06:00

A number of people have asked me when I'm going to write the book about my life. (No, really!) OK, a book mostly about my transition but my whole life figures into that. Some other people have not asked but told me outright that I have to write the book. Other people have told me that if I'm not going to write the book, I need to write a blog entry about it. Or a series of entries about it. Or about parts of it. Sure. And while I'm at it, maybe I should see if I can fit Queen Victoria's biography into a few blog entries, too? Bottom line? Ain't none of that happening - yet. And the Queen Victoria biography won't ever happen. I'm not doing it, anyway.

I'm truly flattered and surprised that people want to know a lot about me. Or maybe they're just nosy about strange or transgender or brown-eyed people. But see - here's the deal. The entirety of what's happened to me in my 60-plus years, or even in the last third of that time, is more than I can quite get my head around now. And if I can't get my head around it, I can't break it down into chunks that I can break down into sentences made up of words that mean anything when strung together into sentences. See the problem?

Then there's the additional issue of not knowing what the ending is - not of my whole life but the transition part of it, anyway - and this is one story I need to know the end of before I can start to tell it. But soon I will know the end and I will be able to get my head around it. Or at least enough of it to make sense of it. And then I'll tell you the story. Or maybe a couple of stories. But not yet. You'll just have to be patient.

Pour Your Heart Out: Fitting In

2010-11-17T15:56:00.006-06:00

Do you ever feel pressure to do something or act a certain way to fit in?
That was the question posed by Shell at Things I Can't Say for this week's "Pour Your Heart Out" linky list at her place. Wow. That question was a total body blow for me - a major impact hit. How about "Yes - but only for most of my fucking life!" as an answer to that question? Here are some of the details of that answer:

We all learn very early on in our growing up that there are certain modes of behavior and ways to look and talk and act that are expected of us, based on nothing more than what our genitals look like. Even children raised by parents who strive to do so in a gender-neutral way are exposed to all the subtle yet overwhelming influences of society at large with regard to what's appropriate behavior or appearance for boys and girls. All these delineations are based on the fact that if the child has a penis, the child is masculine, a boy, and if the child has a vulva, the child is feminine, a girl. And that's usually not a problem because the child feels masculine or feminine and that feeling is congruent with their genitals and is not based on how they act or dress. Gender identity is established at almost the same time as identity itself. By the time a child is 3, he or she knows that they exist as an independent entity and also that they are a boy or a girl.

But every now and then, a child comes along who doesn't fit that "penis equals boy, vulva equals girl" equation. A child like me. I knew early on that I was different because I had a penis, but I was probably 8 or 9 before it started to really dawn on me that I wasn’t a girl. My friends were all girls, I didn’t like to do a lot of (but not all) “boy” things, and I had never thought of myself as anything but female. But I finally realized that people who had called me a boy were right and that my solitary imaginings – which included flying a personal rocket ship and growing up to be a beautiful woman like my mother - weren’t really going to come to be. I struggled with that realization and sadly came to understand that that’s just how the world operated and I was powerless to change it. No rocket ship, no breasts, no dresses for me. Then I hit puberty, sex reared its head and I realized that I was sexually attracted to both boys and girls. And I truly learned to lie. I lied about wanting to kiss boys, and I lied about the fact that “wanting to get into her pants” had another entirely different meaning for me. I lied to the world and mostly to myself for a long time about my being anything other than a red-blooded juvenile delinquent boy who chased girls. But deep down, I was just a girl putting on an act to fit in.

I’m now convinced that transgendered people are the best liars because they have not only learned how to lie to themselves but also to make themselves believe it. Other people are easy to lie to once you master that. And so, I lived with the knowledge that what I was doing was simply succumbing to the pressures of my world to "be a man". When what I really felt like was a woman who was just butching it up. And all that time, the pressure to keep up the front and to lie and to BE someone that I wasn't mounted. Until finally, I just couldn't deal with the lying about who I really was and I couldn't continue the act. It was either stop lying or stop living. So I stopped lying. And I stopped acting and being someone I wasn't solely to fit in with everyone else's definition of who I was supposed to be.

Now, I'm me and I'm free and I'm an infinitely happier person. I can devote my energies to things that matter, like my kids or my health or my community or my friends, rather than putting my energy into maintaining a mask with every waking moment and worrying about whether or not the mask is slipping. And I've found that once I stopped trying so hard to fit into the wrong role, it was very easy to fit into the right one. Which is how I know it's the right one.

A letter

2010-11-17T11:30:00.000-06:00

(The following letter was sent to TrueChild for general dissemination. I'm disseminating.)

Dear Family and Friends:

As we approach the holidays, sadly, some kids will never get to celebrate them because they have been harassed and bullied so much that they decided their only way out of this life was to end it. A couple of days ago, I sent an email to many of you expressing my heart-break over the recent string of gay teen suicides.

Let’s get real; you can’t talk about resolving the bullying issue without talking about gender stereotypes and institutionalized homophobia in this country. 95% of all bullying is directed at those who are perceived as “different” – and the main point of difference is the adherence to gender stereotypes, that a little boy is not “masculine” enough or a little girl is not “feminine” enough. In fact the three classes of kids who are bullied the most are boys who are not masculine enough, girls who are not feminine enough, and girls whose bodies develop sooner than their peers.

Dr. Michael Kimmel, one of the nation’s leading experts on masculinity and renowned author, notes that every time we see a teen suicide or a school shooting, it’s always some dweeby, introspective, outsider kid who’s gotten harassed daily, beaten up, pushed around, called “faggot” and “queer” and “bitch” and it’s almost always a boy.

In fact, GLSEN says that 90% of boys report having been called “fag” at some point. If only 10-15% of boys are gay, that means up to 85% of this kind of bullying is directed at kids who are straight. It just makes me want to shout, “It’s their gender, stupid!”

We need to have a new kind of dialogue in this country that goes beyond just talking about homophobia to talking about masculinity and femininity and breaking down the gender labels that often provoke bullying, anti-gay rhetoric and whole host of social issues.

My cousin Mike has two twin boys, Kevin and David, who came out six years ago in 10th grade at the age of 15. Mike was bold enough to share his story with me. His honest portrayal of the psychological road he and his wife, Teena, traveled down with their two sons after learning they were gay was really eye-opening and just goes to show that even those of us who think we are “open and accepting” have to fight the societal pressures and stereotypes so deeply ingrained into our psyche and social fabric of our society.

The gay social stigma and bullying will end when we start to address gender stereotypes head on. It just takes one person to save a despondent kid from feeling like they have absolutely no other alternative than to commit suicide because they’re taunted, pushed around and bullied after school for not “manning up” and/or not fitting the definition of masculinity. So I challenge all of you to:

• Have a discussion with your own kids about true tolerance and acceptance of people who are different than they are; teach them to celebrate differences instead of crucify them.

• Step in when you see a child being bullied/ridiculed and called “sissy,” “faggot,” or any other slew of derogatory terms, even if that child is not yours.

• Make sure your school has a 0% tolerance policy for bullying, an anti-bullying curriculum (which all students must take part in), and standard operating procedures for handling bullying situations.

• Support non-profit organizations like TrueChild whose primary mission is to dispel gender stereotypes in our society, often the underpinning cause of bullying and homophobia.

As you can see, this issue is near and dear to me for the very reason why it resonates with so many people – everyone has been affected by bullying in some form or fashion, and the repercussions of bullying as we have witnessed lately can be devastating and deadly.

So this holiday season, in lieu of gifts, please join me in donating to TrueChild, which works tirelessly to redefine what it means to be a “man” or a “woman” in today’s society and to get rid of those old labels that not only give bullying a platform to exist but hold all kids back from achieving their full potential.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Love,
Bill Arthur
Miami, Florida

Wash your hands

2010-11-15T11:36:00.002-06:00

One afternoon, almost-15-year-old Pink Guy was sitting at the kitchen table with his laptop, chatting on Facebook and eating slices of ham without any utensils when he dropped part of a slice on the keyboard.

"Dammit," he exclaimed. "I dropped my meat!"

"You know you wouldn't get in trouble like that if you weren't fingering your meat at the table", one of his parents said.

"Oh, it's OK. I always wash my hands before I finger my meat," he replied.

"Well, if your meat was smaller, you could probably hold on to it better", the parent said.

"Shut up", he said.

---- a day passes -----

Pink Guy is sitting on the couch holding a plate with several pieces of ham.

"Are you fingering your meat any better tonight?"

"Shut up."

"Maybe it's harder to handle since it's cold from being in the fridge."

"Shut up, or I'm going to start fingering my meat the next time we're in a restaurant."

"Well as long as you wash your hands, and you're not fingering anything belonging to anyone else ..."

"Shut up."

I'm now thinking that "fingering your meat" just might get a lot more mileage at our house. Yes, I know how that sounds. Shut up.

One Last Time

2010-11-10T11:37:00.001-06:00

This is the text of the invitation (because I can't find the invitation itself) I got back in April to the going away / memorial / wake / celebration / party for my dear, dear friend and neighbor shortly after she died. The original invitation was in a maroon (her favorite color) script with cherubs (she loved hearts and angels) at the top of the page and flowers (she LOVED flowers) all down both sides. She held a similar celebration several years ago when her husband died, and that was the most fun I've ever had at a party where I also cried a lot.

| - - | - - | - - | - - | - - | - - | - - | - - | - - | - - | - - | - - |

Sherril A-- B-----

Please join us for the
Celebration of a Full and Wonderful Life
Saturday, April 17th, 2010
4:00 p.m. until way past our bedtime
xxx xxxxx xxxxx
Richmond, Texas

As part of this celebration we will all be made to wear and share Sherril’s big, bodacious, bright, gaudy jewelry, whether we want to or not. Well, maybe not all of us.

Also part of this day you will always have a part of Sherril’s heart by taking with you any hearts you may have given her through the years, located in the hall baño, plus, lots of Christmas ornaments, and knick knacks for your taking that will not be located in the hall baño.

Also part of this gathering, a video cam will be set up for your talking pleasure, to share any memories you may have of Sherril, for her family to watch over and over again.

And last but not least, the dance train around the kitchen island!
YES, ONE LAST TIME!!

Barbeque will be served but please bring what you will be drinking and if you would like to bring a dessert or hors d’oeuvres please contact L--------.

See you all on the 17th!

| - - | - - | - - | - - | - - | - - | - - | - - | - - | - - | - - | - - |

My emailed response to her sister was:

Yes, you will! I'm bringing a bottle of wine, a pan of lemon squares and a roll of paper towels for my tears ... or in case I spill a glass of wine later in the evening.

My friend Sherril was a truly unique and beautiful individual. She had been a neighbor of mine for 20 years and during that time she became a sister-friend. To me, she was the epitome of an intelligent, awesome, independent, tech-savvy woman. She was outgoing to a fault, swore like a sailor and hated oppression and discrimination against anyone. She was crazy but in a perfectly normal way that fit exactly with my own craziness. We could sit at the island in her kitchen and drink coffee or beer or wine (or all of them) and talk about anything and everything for hours. She had survived lung cancer, her husband's Alzheimer's and death, larynx cancer (and it's removal), her mother's death and a heart attack and had done so with grace and good spirits. She was one of the first people outside my family that I ever told about my being transgendered. She responded by giving me a gift of red underwear - bra and panties - to "welcome me to the sorority". She and I shared a love of all things lemon and used each other to taste-test new recipes. She loved hearts and angels and good porn and dirty jokes. And flowers. Oh, how she LOVED flowers! She WAS the Blossom Diva.

And then she got sick and she died. She was 75.

All of us who loved her went to the going-away party that the invitation above heralded. Of course, I wore my red undies in her honor. It was a perfect good-bye and memorial and it's the kind of send-off I'd like to think I'd get. We - her family and friends - talked and told Sherril stories and drank wine and beer and cried and laughed. A lot. We all wore her big flashy costume jewelry, including most of the guys. (I had on a necklace, earrings and 3 bracelets. I still have them.) We ate lemon everything and barbecue and cake and cookies and laughed and cried some more. We went out in her back yard and sang "Happy Birthday" as loudly and as badly as we could - not because it was any particular person's birthday but because Sherril had said that it was always someone's birthday somewhere. Besides, that's what we always did at one of her parties. And when we sang that night, an owl in the big pecan tree in the middle of her yard sang along with us. It was either her spirit, or we were all drunk. Or both.

And then we danced! Oh, did we ever dance! The biggest tradition at her parties was, late in the evening when everyone was all loosened up, to crank the Motown tunes up to 11 and then just dance like crazy people around the big island in the center of her kitchen. There was no wrong way to dance around that island, and the dancing might spread to other adjacent rooms if it got too crowded, but there was always by-fucking-god DANCING. That night we had a conga line, line dancing, salsa dancing, crazy dancing, twisting, jiving, jumping and everybody sang along and WE DANCED OUR ASSES OFF! One last time. And I know Sherril danced with us.

But finally, when everyone was cried out and sung out and talked out and danced out and sore from laughing, we took our souvenirs of Sherril and we went home. She is greatly missed by everyone but we have the solace of knowing that we sent her on her way with the happiness and craziness and exuberance that made up her life. And because of that, I know we took a bigger piece of her with us when we left than just her souvenirs and our memories.

Today, the souvenirs of Sherril (3 hearts, 1 angel) that I took home are touchstones for me. When things aren't going right or I seem to be sliding downhill, I look at them and I can hear her saying, "WHAT THE FUCK! Just what. the. fuck. woman? Just get off your ass and start moving. It's the moving that's important! The goddamned direction will take care of itself, but you have to DO it. So get the hell out of here and start. And when you get to wherever you're going, you better bring your ass back here and tell me about the trip." And I do. Every time.

A tattoo? Who? You? True - I do.

2010-11-09T14:55:00.000-06:00

Like many people, I have a tattoo. Mine is relatively recent. It's not nearly as exciting as centaurs fucking or a flaming skeleton wrestling a shark (and yes, I know two people who have those particular tattoos), but like most body art, my tattoo is highly personal. The centaurs and the skeleton both have special meaning to the people who wear them. That only makes sense, since a tattoo is generally with you for eternity, so aside from the occasional drunken dare tattoo, most tattoos have a very personal and intimate meaning to the people who wear them. I believe that every tattoo, in addition to its permanence and physical intimacy, is a form of spiritual expression. If you don’t have any body art, ask someone who does; I’m going to bet they’ll agree with that assessment. If you do have a tat, I can see you nodding.

For those who haven't seen the pictures of my tattoo that I posted on Facebook, here they are:

See? Not very exciting. But while Facebook got the pictures first, they didn't get the story. Here's that:

I’ve written before about how the events that have occurred during my transition have shown me that I should listen to the Universe (and yeah, yeah, one day I’ll write THAT book). One of the times that I truly did listen, I heard about my tattoos. Now, at my advanced post-60 age, I had never really had any desire to have a tattoo, even after 9 years in the Navy. But one day last spring I literally woke up knowing that I HAD to have not one, but two of them. Upon actually scrutinizing this new knowledge, I found that one of these tattoos was pretty much fully formed and the other was only a concept. The fully-formed one is the one that’s here. The other one is a completely different story that doesn’t have an ending yet. That tattoo doesn’t exist anywhere except on a piece of paper and in my mind and the artist’s, so it’s not an issue for discussion – yet. I’ll only say that to go from the knowledge I had upon awaking that day to the piece of paper it now occupies took a major effort on my part. This tattoo, the one I now have, has always just … been.

This tattoo is of hedera rhombea, Japanese ivy. I didn’t know that or anything else when I started, only what it looked like; I knew that because I walk under this ivy every day. It cascades from the tree outside the front door of my apartment and shades my front window. I also knew that I didn’t care what the tattoo actually looked like as long as it was representative of this plant. I would trust the artist to render it. I knew the ivy would start at the base of my spine, right above my butt, and would grow up my spine. I would never be able to directly see this tattoo and that was OK. And finally, I knew that this tattoo would never be finished. It would start with ten leaves – one for every year since 2000, when I started transition – and would continue to grow at the rate of one leaf a year, probably added on my birthday. There is a baby leaf at the top that will be transformed into a full-grown leaf as another new baby comes into existence above it. As long as I’m alive, I will continue to grow because the ivy will continue to grow. The older portions won’t be touched and they’ll age and fade, and that will remind me of my own past and my own age as I grow. If I make it another 15 or 20 years and the ivy reaches my neck, it will then turn and grow across my left shoulder for maybe another 10 years and then down the back of my left arm. If it makes it down to my left wrist, I’ll figure out then where it will go after that.

That’s what I knew before I started. But then I did some investigating and found out more. That knowledge only reinforced my feeling that this tattoo was meant to be. Japanese Ivy is the (translated) title of the autobiography of a 14th century Japanese Zen master. Japanese ivy is a symbol of eternity because it essentially doesn’t die. It is also a symbol of protection. It is being researched for its pharmacological properties including antibiotic, anti-inflammatory, analgesic and anti-cancer compounds. It grows naturally in Asia but is rarely is found wild in this hemisphere. Yet it grows outside my apartment, but only there and nowhere else in the vicinity.

Some time after I realized that I would have tattoos, I found an artist to do the work, Karen of Spellbound Studio. She has been voted the Best Tattoo Artist in Austin for six years in a row. She’s a Reiki master and a very spiritual person. She uses only vegan inks. We connected. She was perfect. She drew up the ivy. Perfectly. But then I had to use some of my tattoo funds for an emergency and could only afford to get one tattoo. Again, I KNEW the ivy would be first; so it was. And the night before I finally went to get my living ivy art applied to my body, I had a dream of Karen working on applying yet another leaf in the vine to my shoulder at the top of my arm.

The ivy became real several months ago, so the art work is all healed now. I’ve seen it in the mirror and in pictures but I’ve never seen it directly. I never will. But despite that, I know intimately what it looks like because I can feel it there. And I know that in some way, it protects me. That may simply be that its existence spurs me to not stagnate, to grow, or it may be something more, something spiritual. And it may just be that I like the pun of knowing that something will always have my back. Because I revel in my self and my weirdness.

Another day, another haiku

2010-11-09T01:18:00.002-06:00

Just so everyone doesn't think I've been a total slacker during the time I wasn't here, I have been writing one haiku a day since January 19 over at Wiffledust, a creative blog co-operative. My current haiku count is 293 (but may be more by the time you read this) and I'm on target to get all 365 done. If you're curious, you can start at the beginning and click your way through all of them. They're short and some are quite good, if I do say so myself.

Some Lessons

2010-11-08T15:23:00.000-06:00

Being a parent teaches you lessons about life. OK, I don't really know about YOU but it has certainly taught me a lot of things.

I used to be leery of touching "nasty" things. After spending an hour standing naked under a warm shower and simply holding my explosively diarrheaic 8-month old son while he evacuated everything he had eaten since the beginning of his life all over the two of us, that's gone. I now know that skin is pretty much immune to anything that comes out of a living body.

I used to be totally skeeved out by fuzzy caterpillars. After responding to a number of "GET IT OFF ME!" calls, I've learned that I can pick up any bug. Even though the fuzzy caterpillars still skeeve me out.

I used to think that children didn't develop personalities and senses of humor until they got to be somewhere around high school age. Having had too much exposure to my own two's smart-ass remarks, I've learned that kids can be funny individuals starting about the time they figure out the difference between "me" and "the world".

I used to believe that there was no punishment too harsh for someone who was murderous, cruel, totally depraved and insensitive to the rest of humanity. Watching my 2-year-old daughter almost die while in a coma taught me that the loss of a child is a punishment that I could not wish upon another human being regardless of the circumstances. I simply can't wish that kind of mental and emotional agony upon someone else. Hell, I don't even want someone to go through what I did, and my daughter is perfectly fine today.

Kids teach us a lot, including infinite patience and perpetual love and untainted truth but the largest lesson my kids have taught me is that positive changes not only can happen but must happen if we are to continue to grow after we become adults.

The Red Dress

2010-11-05T17:45:00.010-05:00

At the end of May this year, Jenny the Bloggess initiated a project on her blog which she called The Traveling Red Dress. In that blog post, Jenny wrote

"… this week the red dress will begin a journey, traveling from city to city so that other people can wear it and love it and feel as special and vivid and dynamic as they already are. Because sometimes we all need a little red dress to remind us of that.”

(You can read the whole post here). And I knew that I had to be one of the women who wore that dress and had the pictures to prove it. I’m not sure why I knew that but I know it was related to all the changes that were taking place in my life.

Sometime back in the spring, about three months before the Red Dress came to be, I realized that it was time for me to move on and finish the transition to womanhood that I had started ten years ago. I won’t go into details here about how that happened or what transpired or what it meant because while it’s an amazing ongoing story, it’s not this story. The only reason I mention it at all is because a number of profound and enlightening things occurred in my life between that moment of realization and my reading about Jenny’s Red Dress, things that made me realize that the Universe speaks to us all if we will only listen. I was (and still am) learning to listen, and one of the things that I “heard” was that I should wear the dress.

So I wrote to Jenny and gave her a rough idea of why I wanted to wear the Red Dress. I said:

“I feel like I'm putting on my own red dress a little at a time now as I move forward with finally finishing my transition to womanhood over the next year or so. I finally figured out that I AM worth the effort of no longer lying about who I am, and I AM worth the effort of having a skin that fits the me on the inside. No, I didn't feel guilty about deciding to move forward with my true life - and I'd made that decision months and months ago - but your post somehow has given substance to the whole rightness of what I'm doing to finally achieve the life I have wanted for so long and that I believe that I deserve. In the end, I think it's all about self-confidence and self-worth: we need to have a very well developed sense of both of those things in order to be truly happy. And that it's OK to do things that make you happy.”

Her entire response was: “I love this! And I think we need to get you in that dress.” I've learned that Jenny doesn’t believe in wasting words in her emails.

And that’s where things sat for months. We both had other commitments and then it got too hot to be outside in a red formal gown taking pictures in the Texas summer and then she moved and I got hurt skating (again) and the Red Dress was still a concept for me and not yet a reality. However, my transition continued to move forward and some more amazing things happened. Again, that’s not this story and it’s only pertinent because one of the amazing things that happened during that time was that I stopped seeing a guy in my mirror. When I lost that last internal image of masculinity, other people noticed it, too. I was asked more than once if I’d cut my hair or was wearing my makeup different or had gotten a facelift or something because all those people saw me as looking better. And affairs concerning us getting together remained on hold until a couple of weeks ago, when Jenny and I finally managed to solidify plans as to a place and a date and a time for me to finally wear the Red Dress.

That’s why last Wednesday, October 27, shortly after 9:00 AM, Jenny and I met in Gruene (pronounced "Green", y'all), Texas a small touristy town on the outskirts of the Texas Hill Country. She brought the Red Dress and a rose from her garden; I brought eagerness. We ended up going to the general store to use their restroom because in addition to changing clothes, I also had to pee. Which I did. Then Jenny handed me the enormous airy mound of red fabric that was the dress, and I could almost feel the warmth and the special magic of it while simply holding it. I took the dress into the restroom, stripped off my jeans and blouse and I. Put. It. On. This was it! I felt my face light up in big smile as I pulled the dress up and managed to fasten the top hook in the back of its corset top. It was beautiful and it made me beautiful. I could feel it.

Jenny had to fasten up the rest of the hooks in back and when she was done, I was actually wearing THE Red Dress! It fit me as if it had been made specifically for me. It was perfect. It was magical. I gathered up my discarded jeans and blouse and with the long voluminous skirt of the dress draped over my arm, we proceeded to parade back through downtown Gruene to our cars. I put my clothes in my car, Jenny got her camera out of hers and we proceeded to take pictures of me wearing the Red Dress in several places in Gruene. One of them is above, and if you're interested, the rest of the pictures are online and in my Photos on Facebook and they’re great, but the important thing about them to my mind is the happiness I felt that shows through in each of them.

I cannot tell you how amazingly awesomely fantastic it was to wear that dress! It made me a powerful and beautiful woman, and it gave me something I'm not even sure I knew that I needed - a sense of my own personal femininity and the knowledge that I've joined the sorority of women. It's just another example of the Universe showing me that I need to trust in what is happening in my life. This was not a feeling of confidence, because that’s something I’ve never really lacked; this was a feeling of arrival and belonging. If I had worn the dress back in May, I don't think that sense of my belonging to womanhood would have happened because I still saw a vestige of the boy I was raised as in the mirror. But by last Wednesday, the boy had been gone for a while; there's no more "guy" in my mirror. And putting on the dress just helped to cement that actuality into place in my psyche. I don't know how many other women have worn the dress and had their pictures taken, but I'm pretty sure that for all of us it was magical to do so. I know Jenny tells everyone that they're beautiful in the dress, and I know that we all felt exactly that way - beautiful – when wearing that dress and hearing her say it. Because we were and we are.

Ultimately it had to end, and I sadly took off the dress. I actually changed clothes standing next to my car in the parking lot (HI, GRUENE!) but even after I got back into my jeans and blouse, I could still feel the dress on me. If I stop and feel for a moment, it’s still there now. Magic abides. We ended the morning having coffee and muffins and talking for a while afterward. I’ll admit that I did most of the talking (a bad habit that friends can attest to) and to her credit, Jenny looked like she was listening to most of what I said. I don’t think I saw her eyes glaze over or anything. We finally hugged good-bye and went our separate ways but the dress, the morning, the feeling and most especially, Jenny who made it all possible, will always be with me. Every experience we have changes us, sometimes subtly, sometimes greatly. This experience was a big one for me, and it will forever be a part of me because it served its purpose: it let me recall just how special a person, a woman, I am.

Thank you, Jenny.

Bullies

2010-11-03T11:04:00.000-05:00

This is a story that only one other person has ever heard, and she only heard it recently. I'm telling it publicly now, but it's not a typical story about being bullied. As a tall, skinny, effeminate kid in elementary school, I had a few problems but nothing I couldn't handle by being an outgoing, funny, smart ass. Then in 4th grade when I was 9, a genuine bully entered my world, and I was his primary target. I took his abuse, physical and verbal, and no one came to help me because this kid was bigger than all the other kids and intimidated everyone. I was ashamed because I knew he was right - that I was different and girly and deserved to get hit - and I never told an adult about his abuse. But finally, after about 3 months of being a target, I got tired of taking it and at recess one day I snapped and ambushed the kid with a bag full of books. Out of anger, I hit him hard and took him down and yes, I beat him up. He never picked on anyone at our school again. And, as if some kind of magical aura surrounded me thereafter, no one ever bullied or picked on me again. In the over 50 years since then, the worst thing that has ever happened to me was to once be called a "faggot" by a drunken teenager in a hotel bar in Pennsylvania. But I never told anyone what I did because to this day I feel guilty about hurting that kid because although he was an asshole, he was still only a kid like me. And I've never forgotten what anger can do to anyone - even a nice, funny, effeminate kid - when it's channeled in a destructive, physical direction. That guilt and that lesson have been major factors in how I've tried to live my life.

Having done volunteer work in a shelter for abused women and children, I know that bullies quite often grow up to become domestic abusers. Yes, we need a zero tolerance policy towards bullying in our schools (and society in general), and we need to protect all our kids. However, I think that until we treat EVERYONE with the same respect and dignity - and more importantly, teach our own children to do so, not just with words but also by our own example - that this problem of bullying will not go away. We need to ALL be truly aware of our shared humanity and not be distracted by our minor differences in order to get past treating those who are different as "things" not worthy of our respect. We need to wear purple in our hearts every day.

Creative criticism

2010-11-02T15:02:00.001-05:00

Creating something is hard. Creating is essentially using the power of the mind to turn nothing into something - a painting, a story, a computer program, a dance, a movie, a building – something, anything. All these beautiful things truly began as nothing more than a thought and ultimately became something through a process of hard work, mental or physical (or both), and often involving an emotional and spiritual investment of effort, too. Creativity is the force of beauty expressed through humans.

Tearing something down is easy. Burning a book, slashing a painting, hacking a program can all destroy those things but destructively criticizing a creation is the fundamental tearing down of a construct. It requires no creativity, no hard work, to let loose an inner two-year-old or rabid pit bull to simply wreak havoc on a creation. It amounts to being selfish and being angry simply because you cannot have things your way. Those critics are ultimately of no use.

However, constructive criticism is not wholesale destruction. Constructive criticism involves both understanding and creativity. Creative criticism is knowing what a creation is and then seeing a way to potentially make it better than it is. Because our creations are inherently imperfect because they come from humans, there’s always room for improvement. Critics who offer advice, critics who can see ways to tear down but then build back and can explain why the change makes a thing better, are an inherent force in pushing a creative endeavor to evolve. That’s why those who can offer constructive criticism are often also the most creative individuals. Those critics are essential.

I write. I paint. I program. I build. I turn ideas into tangible things. But the greatest thing I’ve ever created is me. I created the woman I am from the idea of who I should be. As a part of that process, I’ve learned to ignore the destructive critics who ridiculed my doing that, and I’ve learned to incorporate the advice of those constructive critics who pointed out the errors in my creation. Because I’m a work in progress, I’ll continue to listen to my critics when they have something meaningful to say. We should never be so rigid that our ears are frozen to hearing constructive criticism that might just make us – or the other things we create - better.

Totally inappropriate (You've been warned!)

2010-06-11T09:44:00.003-05:00

I'm not sure I understand the big taboo about cannibalism. Most Christian churches obviously condone it, since eating Jesus's body every Sunday is OK. And apparently vampirism is also OK since there's that drinking the blood thing, too. And now I'm wondering: if you swallow after a blowjob, is that like a cannibalism hors d-oeuvre?

Miscellaneous stolen stuff

2010-03-31T15:02:00.002-05:00

The most common form of despair is not being who you are.
-- Kierkegaard

“What do you want a meaning for? Life is a desire, not a meaning."
-- Charlie Chaplin

"Obama is not a brown-skinned anti-war socialist who gives away free healthcare. You're thinking of Jesus."
-- John Fugelsang4

A love story.

2010-03-30T13:56:00.000-05:00

Oprah.com has just posted a love story. I know, that's what you would expect from Oprah, but this one is a little different.

"It was amid all this that my love disclosed something that should have mattered. Something the whole of my history would have insisted mattered, and yet, did not. Not really. He told me, in his typically open, candid style, that he had not been born a man."

There's also this succint and so-very-correct summary of just what it means to be transgendered:

"There is this misbegotten notion that transmen and women are about playing dress-up and fooling people. But to be trans is to feel the truth so acutely you can't fake it. It is to be so consumed with the truth of who you are that you are willing to risk everything to inhabit it. To refuse to be what other people have decided you are—this is an act of courage few individuals dare try."

Go read this love story for yourself.

It's not about health care

2010-03-29T09:04:00.000-05:00

NY Times columnist Frank Rich has published a piece stating one of my beliefs about the current state of political and social unrest, only done so much more eloquently than I could have. Essentially, it's not REALLY about health care; it's about white male power being redistributed to others.

"The conjunction of a black president and a female speaker of the House — topped off by a wise Latina on the Supreme Court and a powerful gay Congressional committee chairman — would sow fears of disenfranchisement among a dwindling and threatened minority in the country no matter what policies were in play"

I really hope I'm wrong

2010-03-25T11:21:00.000-05:00

I've wanted to post something about all the hateful divisive rhetoric being spouted by the folks on the right, but there's so much of it that I don't even know where to begin. And I know if I start, it's only going to start jacking up my blood pressure and way too many folks out in the blogosphere have covered the subject, so I'm just going to let it go.

I do want to go on the record here, though, and say that I think this whole explosive situation has the potential to go very, very wrong in a way that will hurt this country much worse than 9/11 ever did. That tragedy was inflicted upon us by terrorists from outside and brought us together. If this tragedy occurs, it will be inflicted on us by terrorists from within our own population and it will drive a wedge between us the likes of which we have not seen here since the 1860s. I really, truly hope I'm wrong about this, though. Really.

Thanks ... but

2010-03-23T08:39:00.000-05:00

I am VERY happy that health care reform has passed! So why do I feel like an ungrateful kid at Christmas? It's like I needed a sweater and asked for a sweater and got a functional ugly beige wool cardigan sweater - which I will wear and be happy I have - but what I really wanted was a tight black sexy cashmere v-neck.

Holy George

2010-03-17T16:24:00.000-05:00

I missed this post on the Truth Wins Out blog when it first came out concerning some bigoted reaction to the annual "Day of Silence" (April 16, btw) couched in Biblical quotes. But it contains a short blurb that made me smile:

I could swear up and down that because Curious George doesn’t refer to the Man in the Yellow Hat owning any other color hats, that’s because other colors are evil, and I could swear up and down that Curious George was written by a supreme deity, but I’d still be a malevolent bigot, hiding behind a book.

That's just one example the post uses to do a very good job of refuting the knee-jerk reaction of the Konservative Kristian Kongregation. Check it out.

DSM-5 Problems

2010-03-16T21:36:00.000-05:00

The fifth edition of the American Psychiatric Association's (APA) Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) is due to be published in 2013 and the proposed version is now available for review. IFGE warned about some proposed changes almost a year ago, but apparently no one at the APA was listening. Now there are serious problems for transgender folks with one section of the DSM-5. Read about it and then sign the petition here.

Well, I'm back

2010-03-16T14:12:00.002-05:00

* blowing dust off *

Well, it's been a while since I was here, but I had to drop back in just to keep the place going. Hopefully, I'll be a little more regular than I have been (but hey, 10 months is still regular, just on a very long cycle) in posting here. I'm also over on FaceBook, but since there's a size limit on posts there, longer stuff will probably be posted here. Oh, and I've also updated my profile picture here to something more contemporary. It was taken in February of 2010.

So, what's been going on? The short version is that I lost my job in February of 2009, went into a tailspin emotionally, recovered and ultimately found another job in December. Now it's just a matter of digging our way out from under the pile of debt that accumulated while we lived solely on unemployment benefits. We were lucky to have amassed some savings and that kept us from actually losing anything but it's been tight. My new job, however, is in Austin which is about two hours drive from our ranchette in the countryside outside Houston. So, I live in an apartment in Austin during the week and commute home on weekends. But because my place in Austin is only five minutes from my job, I actually spend LESS time on the road now than I did commuting between home and job in Houston on a daily basis. And I get every other Friday off, so every other weekend is at least three days long. All in all, it's not bad, and although I DO miss my family, if there's an emergency I can be there with them in two hours.

That's about it. Like I said, I'll try to keep things a little more up-to-date here from here on. Anything interesting been going on here while I was gone?

Mom Explains Decision To Let Son Live As Girl

2009-05-24T21:22:00.002-05:00

KETV television in Omaha recently aired a story about a mother's decision to let her 8-year-old son live full-time as a girl. Watch the story here. You can also participate in a poll about whether the mother did the right thing. (When I looked, the results were over 50% thought she was right, 30% thought she was wrong and the rest didn't know.)

IFGE says to APA ...

2009-05-18T17:38:00.000-05:00

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: May 18, 2009

Washington DC - The International Foundation for Gender Education has issued the following resolution calling on the American Psychiatric Association (APA) to reform its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. IFGE will be participating in a demonstration this evening at the APA's annual conference in San Francisco, where this resolution will be presented. We urge everyone to join us in calling for an end to the APA's pathologizing of gender non-conforming behavior.

Resolution

Whereas people are naturally endowed with a wide diversity of gender expression, identities, and sexual orientations;

Whereas, the distress felt by gender non-conforming people is fundamentally due to social prejudice and heterosexism, and is not a characteristic of their identities;

Whereas diagnosis of psychological disorders has been used as a form of social control;

Whereas, the inclusion of normal variations of behavior as diagnostic criteria has been widely used to justify discrimination against gender non-conforming people by individuals, governments, and corporations; and has resulted in material harm to people;

Whereas, the principle responsibility of medicine is to "Do No Harm;"

Therefore, be it resolved that we find the American Psychiatric Association to have a responsibility to ameliorate this harm, and hereby call for the following remedies:

(1) We hereby call on the Board of Trustees of the American Psychiatric Association to issue a declaration stating that: Gender variance, and gender non-conforming behavior do not constitute a psychological disorder;

(2) We hereby call on the American Psychiatric Association to remove the diagnosis of so- called "Transvestic Fetishism," which explicitly pathologizes gender non-conforming behavior, from their Diagnostic and Statistical Manual;

(3) We hereby call for the reform of any diagnosis that can be made solely based on gender non-conforming behavior, specifically including “Gender Identity Disorder in Children.”

Resolved this day May 15, 2009 by the Board of Directors of
The International Foundation for Gender Education

The International Foundation for Gender Education promotes acceptance for transgender people everywhere through education. Founded in 1978, IFGE is the largest transgender advocacy organization with members worldwide. Providing educational outreach for the emancipation of all gender variant people from restrictive gender norms, IFGE is a non-profit educational corporation with offices in Waltham, MA and Washington, DC and is recognized by the I.R.S. as a 501c(3) charitable organization .

IFGE | 272 Carrol St NW | Washington DC | 20012 | 202-207-8364

Haiku Friday: Scared

2009-05-08T16:27:00.001-05:00

Two strange spots on her
Mammogram and ultrasound.
It's biopsy time.

Porcine Influenza

2009-05-01T12:14:00.000-05:00

Friday Haiku: Obvious

2009-04-24T19:42:00.004-05:00

Hey - wait a minute!
Isn't there supposed to be
A haiku here? . . . Oh.

Keeping us safe

2009-04-24T19:20:00.002-05:00

I heard DICK ~~Vader~~ Cheney saying the other day that all the shit that the Bush administration did to remove and suppress our rights kept the country safe. Because of all that administration's repressions, we weren't attacked ... after 9/11, that is. His little speech sounded familiar to me, though, and then I placed it.

There's an old joke about a guy walking down the sidewalk in Manhattan and every few steps, he stops and screams, "GO AWAY! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!" After a little while, a cop stops him and asks him if he's OK, to which the man answers that he's fine. So the cop then asks him why he's screaming and the man calmly explains that his screaming keeps the wild elephants away. When the cop tells him that there aren't any wild elephants in all of Manhattan, the man just smiles and says, "See? It works."

See? The Patriot Act and Gitmo and WMD and Global War on Terror worked.

Holy crap! A baby in the road!

2009-04-24T14:47:00.004-05:00

(OK, I'll tell you right now that the title of this post has absolutely nothing to do with the contents, but if misdirection and come-on are good enough to sell used cars - and they are - who am I to argue with success?)

It's been a month since I was here last and I figured that I at least owed ~~both~~all of my readers a short update on my life. First, I'm still unemployed. I did go on one interview that resulted in an offer ... making a salary 60% less than I was making in February. I'm not quite that desperate yet, for a number of reasons I won't go into.

In no particular order, other than this is the order I thought of them, here are some other notable events in my life recently.

Red-headed Spouse fell and cracked two ribs. She essentially couldn't do anything that involved moving her torso, and the only place she was comfortable sleeping was on the couch because she could put her busted ribs over the gap between the cushions. That was a fun 5 or 6 ~~years~~ weeks!

Fireball learned to ride her bike without training wheels and then promptly wiped out on the asphalt road and tore up her hands and knees. Lots of blood then but she's healed now and has even ventured out into the street again.

Pink Guy is failing two subjects and has Ds in two more. He might be repeating seventh grade.

Our oldest dog died in his sleep. He was the same age as Pink Guy - 13.

I kicked a door in the dark with my little toe. The nail fell off a month later.

We still have not put all our Christmas decorations away. It's just the ones inside the house, though, so the neighbors don't think we're lazy or weird or anything. Not for that, anyway.

The automatic transmission in our 9-year-old car went out. We took it to a nationally-known transmission repair shop (BEEP! BEEP!) to get it fixed and were charged an exorbitant price - of course. (Although I will admit that the price wasn't as high as I had feared. So, while we still got screwed at least we got a kiss and lube.) The day after we dropped the car off, the mechanic was road-testing it and ran a red light at an automatic camera intersection. The camera took a picture of the violation, and the city mailed us the ticket. Now we have to go through the hassle of proving that someone other than the registered owner was driving at the time. Oh - and when we got the car back a week later the transmission was still fucked up; fucked up in a different way but still not working correctly. The car is going back to the shop on Monday.

I'm sure there's more good news but that's all I can think of right now. I've probably already repressed the memories of the rest.

Different Shoes

2009-03-23T17:29:00.002-05:00

Totally stolen from Alex Billings ... and Kenneth Cole:

(Yes, I'm still around. Don't give up on me yet!)

Friday Haiku: Music

2009-03-06T11:43:00.003-06:00

Magnolias rattle,
Oaks shush and bare pecans moan.
Live wind instruments.

Peeved

2009-02-27T14:46:00.003-06:00

Yes, I'm still here - I know you can't tell from the postings but I haven't slipped into the Abyss.

I'm pissed and even if you don't want to know why, I'm still going to tell you. I have applied for unemployment benefits from the great state of Texas. I've been approved for unemployment benefits. I will get the maximum benefit allowed by law of $392 / week. That's all OK - although I'd like more money. That benefit is doled out in the form of a cash card issued by Chase Bank that was sent to me and is renewed every week by the state. What has me peeved is that the card has a FUCKING SERVICE FEE assessed by the bank every time it's used! I can use it once for free and after that, every time it's used Chase sucks half a buck out of the card's balance. So, Chase Bank - who was one of the "bad" banks that helped to cause the current economic mess - is now not only getting billions of bailout bucks but also bleeding a little off of every unemployment account that they (indirectly) helped bring about. I wonder how many folks at the Texas Workforce Commission got blowjobs from Chase middle management to set up this sweet deal? And of top of everything else, umemployment benefits are subject to federal income tax! Welcome to the recovery!

Haiku Friday: Alive

2009-02-20T17:41:00.001-06:00

I drag my cute ass
Out of bed every morning
To spite depression.

Haiku Friday: Love

2009-02-13T11:57:00.003-06:00

She gently teaches
That love transcends obstacles.
Every day I learn.

Free time

2009-02-06T13:52:00.002-06:00

Well, it appears that I'm going to have some free time now - I got laid off about an hour ago. Seems the company is having a hard time financially now that its two biggest clients have declared bankruptcy, and I and one other support person were the most expendable. No, I don't know who is going to finish the stuff I was doing. Want to guess if I care? So, I've got about a month to find another job before things get really tight. Wish me luck! (Guess I need to be careful what I wish for, huh?)

Update

2009-02-06T10:00:00.006-06:00

So, what's been happening? Where have I been? Well, I've been right here but have been so busy that blogging has taken a back seat to everything else. Hell, blogging hasn't even been getting in the car, much less the back seat!

As to what's been happening - obviously a lot. At work, the company is moving to a new accounting system and I was tasked with finding all the data in the old system's database, figuring out where it's supposed to go in the new database, converting it and loading it into the new system's database, all under the direction of the accounting gurus. The fact that no one knows anything about how the old system's database was organized hasn't helped. The additional fact that the new system requirements are constantly changing hasn't helped. The fact that I'm the only one doing this work (because I'm the one with the experience) hasn't helped. I feel like I'm trying to stop a charging rhino with a disassembled BB gun - underpowered, moving target, trying to put things together. It's not over yet, but I think I've figured out how to put the gun together, how to aim it and where to shoot to have a chance of succeeding. Then yesterday, I was informed that the work I had been doing prior to the conversion work I'm now doing is going to become a high priority item. Also. I keep telling myself that this is all good in these hard times because it means that I'm working. But ya know sometimes I wish it was simply work and not WORK!

On the personal front, everyone at home has been sick at least once in the past 6 weeks or so, some of us twice. My second go-round started last night and while I'm at work today, I plan on playing the sick card this weekend. Pink Guy has been having some problems with school and life in general, and while it's nothing more than his turning 13 - and all that that implies - to him they are very real issues and need to be dealt with. The tenant at one of the two condos we inherited from Redheaded Spouse's dad quit paying rent and moved out - after trashing the place, taking the refrigerator and leaving all her garbage behind. I so do not like cleaning up other people's shit ... literally! One of our dogs may have to be euthanized, we're experiencing a drought (still!), one of our cars needed major work and on and on. R.S. has been putting in a lot of time taking care of her mom who is recovering from another minor stroke so I've been shouldering most of the domestic chores. We won't talk about the perpetual pile of clothes to be washed, OK?

And on top of it all, I decided to put a tile floor into the upstairs bathroom where the toilet overflowed and destroyed the carpet last year. (BTW, whose stupid idea was it to put carpet in the bathroom, anyway? Oh - that would have been the folks who built the house: us.) Anyway, I just couldn't take the wooden subfloor any more! Here's that:

That's right - I hocked the toilet to buy tequila and Prozac! OK - not really; here's the finished result.

It's not a really big space but I'm proud of the way it turned out. Something good to show for my efforts. Of course, now we're thinking about redoing the REST of the room ...

Haiku Friday: Waiting

2009-02-06T09:33:00.002-06:00

Anticipations
Evoked by hard little buds;
Spring is almost here!

It wasn't really all that much

2009-02-03T13:37:00.003-06:00

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, aka. The Mormons, has maintained that the church was not REALLY involved in the recent California initiative to disallow marriage equality in that state. Oh, really? It now appears that not only were they directly involved but that they also reimbursed others for the expenses incurred in working to pass the initiative. To the tune of close to a million bucks! Didn't one of the commandments have something to do with being honest?

Haiku Friday: Peace

2009-01-30T14:35:00.001-06:00

I need to unwind;
Peace and calm are what I want.
Nastiness begone!

I seem to remember ...

2009-01-27T16:39:00.002-06:00

"Jami? Hmmm...Jami. Yeah, now that you mention it, I seem to remember a blogger by that name. Wrote 'not THAT different'? Yeah, that's her. Whatever happened to her?"

I'm sorry, y'all, but I have been (and continue to be) busier than a cat covering up shit in a stockyard and simply don't have time to do all the things I HAVE to do, much less the ones I WANT to do. So, blogging and bathing have temporarily fallen by the wayside. OK, OK - I'll admit to showering a couple of times. But as soon as things slack off at work and something approximating peace returns to the domestic scene, I'll be back!

History in the making

2009-01-20T10:00:00.003-06:00

We all know that today is the day that Barack H. Obama will say the following words and become the 44th President of the United States of America:

"I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of the President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States."

In so doing, he becomes the first person to be elected to that office while openly acknowledging his African heritage. (There is still debate as to whether Warren G. Harding had an African heritage but even if he did, he was totally secretive about it.) Needless to say - although thousands of pundits WILL say it - that's historic.

I'm proud of my country for once again demonstrating what democracy really is with the peaceful handing over of power from one of the most divisive leaders to one of the most uniting ones in a spirit of co-operation. I'm also proud of the American people for doing (what I think is) the right thing and electing Obama, and I'm wondering if his election will elevate not just the country of America as an entity but also its individual citizens in the minds of the rest of the world. Not only has this country lost an enormous amount of respect and prestige over the last 8 years, but I also can't help thinking that the citizens of the world had to be wondering, "How could the American people elect such a shitty leader?" I think we Americans have proven once again that while we might fuck up - sometimes in a big way - we are also capable of stepping up and doing the right thing. I'm proud to be an American citizen.

Haiku Friday: Problems

2009-01-16T12:39:00.002-06:00

Harried and horny -
The banes of my existence.
Neither will endure!

A little story

2009-01-15T11:09:00.003-06:00

From my friend Andy comes this little story.

One sunny day late in January, 2009, an old man approached the White House gate from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He stopped and spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard saying, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer President and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay. Thank you." and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House gate and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer President and no longer resides here."
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House gate and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying again, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you repeatedly that Mr. Bush is no longer the President and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand perfectly. I just love hearing it."
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, sir!"

Dr. Phil is phull of it!

2009-01-14T14:25:00.003-06:00

Truth Wins Out
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Wednesday, Jan. 14, 2009

Contact: Wayne Besen
Phone: 917-691-5118
E-Mail: wbesen@truthwinsout.org
Web: www.TruthWinsOut.org

Disgraceful Show Elevates Fringe Anti-Gay Activists To 'Expert' Status, Says TWO

NEW YORK - Truth Wins Out (TWO) harshly condemned the Dr. Phil Show today, claiming that it exploited Toni, the mother of a transgender child, and placed her in a psychologically abusive situation - which nearly drove her to tears. The episode, "Little Boy Lost," also falsely portrayed notorious anti-gay activists, Glenn Stanton and Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, as "experts" on gender and homosexuality, says TWO.

"Dr. Phil damaged his reputation by choosing sensationalism over professionalism and he ought to be ashamed," said Wayne Besen, Executive Director of Truth Wins Out. "Instead of exploring this issue in-depth, Dr. Phil sunk to new depths. He exploited a loving mother by ambushing her with disreputable anti-gay activists well known for theories far outside mainstream psychology."

On the show, Toni explained how she and her husband reluctantly decided to let her son transition into a girl after unsuccessfully forcing strict gender roles on the child. Such efforts backfired and her son tried to jump out of a window. Even after hearing such a real life story, Nicolosi and Stanton argued that Toni should have continued a "treatment" that nearly lead her child to suicide.

Dr. Nicolosi tried to humiliate Toni on national television, blaming her parenting skills for causing her child to be transgender. Nicolosi said that her child was transgender because the father was detached and Toni was overly "enmeshed." But, Toni's response undermined Nicolosi's unproven and dubious hypothesis.

"Dad wasn't there after the transition...my son, I wasn't close to at all," Toni replied. "I wasn't enmeshed with him, so I think your theory sucks."

Having their bizarre and outdated ideas effectively rebutted, Stanton chimed in to save face, glibly stating, "No human being is cookie cutter."

"The entire program of Nicolosi and Stanton is predicated on baseless cookie cutter ideas that support their extreme beliefs," said Besen. "It is disingenuous to say otherwise when the very heart of their work is confusing stereotypes with science," said Besen. "We question why Dr. Phil offered a platform to men so at odds with every respected medical and mental health association in the country? And why didn't Dr. Phil inform viewers that these men were considered fringe religious figures with peculiar views on sexuality?"

Stanton, who is hardly qualified to discuss gender issues, has served as a spokesperson for Focus on the Family - an anti-gay organization that believes people can "pray away the gay." Scientists throughout the world have condemned Focus on the Family for distorting research on human sexuality. Yet, this was not mentioned by Dr. Phil. Recently, Dr. Lisa Diamond of University of Utah accused Nicolosi of distorting her work - but this information was conveniently omitted from the show.

Nicolosi is the founder of the National Association of Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH). In 2006, NARTH had two major controversies. In the first, psychiatrist Joseph Berger, MD, a member of their "Scientific Advisory Committee," wrote a paper encouraging students to "ridicule" gender variant children.

In the second controversy, Gerald Schoenwolf, PhD, also a member of NARTH's "Scientific Advisory Committee," wrote a polemic on the group's website that seemed to justify slavery.

Nicolosi is also known for his strange theories, such as encouraging his male clients to drink Gatorade and call friends "dude" to become more masculine. He also believes that "Non-homosexual men who experience defeat and failure may also experience homosexual fantasies or dreams."

Truth Wins Out is a non-profit organization that defends gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people from anti-gay lies. TWO also counters the "ex-gay" myth and educates America about gay life.

-30-

© 2008 Truth Wins Out. All rights reserved.

What if ...

2009-01-13T14:14:00.003-06:00

Not that I'm paranoid or anything (although I'm sure I do have enemies out to get me), but it occurred to me that the sad state of the economy and the need to immediately start fixing it pretty much will be distracting the new administration from doing much in-depth investigation of other things - like how badly Bushco has fucked the country and how many laws may have been bent, broken or circumvented in the process of transferring money and power to the hands of corporations and fat cats. Kind of like not being able to tell that you have stepped in a big pile of dog shit when you're in a huge room full of horse shit. Surely, it's only a coincidence that all of this is happening just as Duhbya and his minions (and handlers) are exiting. Right? Right?

worst. president. ever. Thank the goddess that it's almost over!

What it is

2009-01-13T13:29:00.005-06:00

In a previous episode, I asked if you could identify certain antique items that just happen to be in my home. If you missed that post and want to play along, it's still not too late. Just go make your guess now before proceeding.

OK?

SPOILER ALERT!!!

Answers coming up!!!

Seriously, don't proceed unless you want to know what that stuff is.

OK - even though I didn't make it back with the answers yesterday as promised, I'm back now, so here goes!

You're looking at a turn-of-the-century state-of-the-art washer/dryer combo with optional sock drying forms.

The copper thingy on the right in the picture is a steam washing machine.

It was placed on a stove burner (any type of stove, although I don't see electric listed), water was added and heated,

the laundry to be washed was placed in the perforated drum inside and the lids closed. When the water began to boil, the handle was turned to agitate the laundry and voila! Clean laundry without using any soap! When the washer was removed from the heat and the lid opened, the contents could be removed, allowed to cool, wrung out and then hung on

the indoor collapsible drying rack. Each arm could be manually lifted up and extended and the wet laundry draped over or pinned to them and allowed to dry. All without having to go outside in bad weather.

We also have a double iron set with kerosene-fueled heater (aka. a small tailor's iron) which allows one iron to be heating while the other is in use. (See here if you are unfamiliar with the term "ironing".) All of these things help in motivating us to actually do the wash by imagining how much worse the chore could be.

So, did you get it right? I know at least one person who gets partial credit (Jen).

Haiku Friday: Today

2009-01-09T12:35:00.002-06:00

Do you want to know
Why I live here in Houston?
It's eighty outside.

What did you read?

2009-01-09T12:14:00.002-06:00

For yesterday's Day to Read, I read the entire newspaper, finished Scarpetta and read about half of the latest issue of "Discover" magazine. Not as much reading as I wanted to do, but better than no reading at all. What about you? What did you read?

(And just to let you know, I did manage to get the pictures I mentioned in Wednesday's post below to finally load. Then I posted it, but because I forgot to change the date on it, it's now beneath my previous post. Got it?)

READ!

2009-01-07T17:05:00.002-06:00

Well, I had a post all written but it involved uploading some pictures and for some reason, Blogger is having a problem doing that today. So, after trying all day I'm giving up on that and there will now be no real post ... for now. Other than to remind you that tomorrow is the Day to Read!

Don't let me catch you snooping around the Interweb's tubes tomorrow! Spend that time reading!

What is it?

2009-01-07T16:39:00.005-06:00

Here is a picture of some antique stuff in our house:

All these items kinda go together. Which is why they're all together in my house - DUH! They are all antiques that were once used often in homes. I want to know if anyone can tell me what these things are. I'll give you a hint: the things that look like socks are sock drying forms. They used to be used to keep wool socks from shrinking while drying after being washed. Here's a closeup of the big bundle of sticks on the wall:

I'll be back on Monday to give you the answers. I haven't figured out if there's going to be a prize if someone guesses correctly. You'll just have to take your chances on that. Kind of like Jeopardy crossed with the Lotto.

And as usual, you can click it to big it with either picture ... and to help you all out, I left these two shots really BIG.

Happy New Day!

2009-01-06T13:01:00.002-06:00

Since I have learned to only take one day at a time, I'm not wishing everyone a Happy New Year. Instead, I'm wishing you all a Happy New Day. That way, it's good from now on and doesn't put a lot of pressure on you to make your whole year happy.

I walked into the kitchen this morning after taking the dogs out only to be greeted by two strangers. I asked Redheaded Spouse who they were and she gently reminded me that they were our kids. I hadn't recognized them because they NEVER get up on a school day without a lot of ~~swearing~~ ~~yelling~~ effort on my part and to find them not only awake but dressed and downstairs was more than my brain could process. They started back to school today after what seemed like a year off, and I'm sure the excitement of going back woke them up. It was very nice to all sit down and eat breakfast together, although Pink Guy said, "What do y'all do about now? I've never seen what happens this time of day." I informed him that this time of day is usually devoted to getting my sleepy-headed kids out of bed and that it was just as well that he missed it because it's not a pretty sight.

So, have you picked out what you're going to be reading on Thursday? Start now so you don't waste time then deciding. Maximize your Day to Read!

What did I get for Christmas, you ask?

2009-01-05T17:30:00.006-06:00

Well, I got some good stuff. I got two pashmina shawls, a jade necklace, new pjs, a metric wrench set and a Barnes and Noble gift card. The gift card is now books. But I also got some not-so-good stuff. I got this:

It's the human rhinovirus - responsible for infecting humans with colds. And yes, this is approximately the size of the virus I had which is why I was sick for most of the time I was on vacation. How convenient that I didn't have to use my sick time to actually be sick! I also got a new facial scar

although, to be honest, I don't think it's going to end up making a scar, but there was plenty of blood and swearing when the big antique hurricane lamp on the table on the right of this picture

fell off the table while I was adjusting the Christmas tree skirt and hit me between the eyes. No, I don't know how it fell. No, I don't know why I was looking up while lying on the floor. Yes, it hurt like hell! Oh, and the lamp is fine - thank you for asking.

So ... how were YOUR holidays?

... and on bass

2008-12-22T10:41:00.007-06:00

(Note: I don't normally play along with Music Monday because ... well, just because. But these two shots were just too perfect to NOT post.)

First up, some of the guitars in our house:
From left to right: Guitar Hero wireless for PS2, Fireball's scaled-down Stratocaster and Pink Guy's new flying-V. I have no idea what any of the other stuff on the floor is because ... ummm ... I've been in a coma for a year?

... and now, jamming on bass after a hard night trick-or-treating,
JOKER!

(BTW, out of a total of five guitars in our house, none are owned by adults.)

Haiku Friday: Santa

2008-12-19T14:45:00.001-06:00

Santa Claus is real!
When we give to those in need,
We are all Santa.

Little bits poking out of the avalanche

2008-12-18T11:52:00.002-06:00

I have not been posting much - in case you haven't noticed. That's because I've been buried by an avalanche of work, both at work and at home. Trying to get all that shit done has just totally devoured my time! But I wanted to let you know that I'm feeling appropriately guilty and will now post some miscellaneous tidbits out of a sense of duty to you ~~all~~ ~~both~~, dear readers.
----------
The other night it got cold here - like down near freezing. (We won't go into the relative definition of "cold" right now.) When it did, apparently Fireball decided that it would be a good night to sleep in her sleeping bag ... on top of the covers on her bed. So she did. Later, as I was going to bed and went to check on her, I found that she was out of the sleeping bag and curled up in her "I'm cold" sleeping position of a little ball of girl face down with arms and legs tucked tightly underneath. I had to decide to either try and get her back into the sleeping bag now lying on the floor or under the covers of her bed. I opted for the covers. So I picked up the compact heat-conserving ball of girl, put her down on the floor, turned down the bed, picked up the ball of girl off the floor, placed it in the bed and covered it with the sheet, blanket and comforter. At which point the ball miraculously unfolded and rearranged itself into a stretched-out sleeping girl. All without her waking up.
----------
I got to thinking (a dangerous pastime, I know) a while back about whether all the little mobile microclimates we carry around in our cars has any effect on the macroclimate of the world. This is over and above the obvious effect of global warming from the greenhouse gasses. But consider the fact that cars generate heat, both from their engines and from pumping heat out of the inside via the air conditioner. Does having a lot of cars running around raise the average temperature from all that heat? And the A/C in a car also removes moisture from the air inside the car and shoves it outside. Does that have any impact on the relative humidity because we're pumping all that humidity out of all those cars? Maybe I can get a government grant to study these things. Somebody will think it's important to know - right?
----------
I hadn't seen Annie Arachnid in quite a while and was actually starting to feel sad that she might have gone on to that Big Web in the Sky. But yesterday - when it warmed up outside - she put in an appearance. I'm guessing she's been hibernating while it was cold and got up to see if there was a meal to be had when it got warmer. It was probably pretty slim pickings but you never know. After all, this is the Texas Gulf coast: bug capital of the country, even in the wintertime. Although I have no idea about the life span of critters like her, I'm betting she'll make it all the way through her fourth year with us and start on number five, too.
----------
Has anyone ever had any Snow Queen vodka? I ended up with a bottle of it after our office gift exchange day before yesterday. It's in a very pretty bottle packaged in a very nice box with two martini glasses. I'm only hoping that they didn't put all their money into the packaging and saved some of it to put into the distillery. The good news: it's imported. The (possible) bad news: it's imported from Kazakhstan. I'll probably try some during the holidays and I'll let you know.
----------
Coming Attractions: I have a Music Monday post that I meant to put up last Monday but now will hold on to until next Monday. Stay tuned!

Haiku Friday: Time

2008-12-12T13:38:00.001-06:00

No time for shopping,
No time for decorating,
No time to panic!

Haiku Friday: Winter

2008-12-05T11:55:00.001-06:00

My nose is runny,
I think my toes are frozen.
I hate wintertime!

Day to Read 2009

2008-12-04T10:09:00.003-06:00

Last year, several bloggers (spurred on by Allison at Soccer Mom in Denial) asked the blogosphere to take a day off from blog posting and maybe even web surfing and instead sit down and read something printed on a page. Or several pages. This year, we're asking you to do it again.

January 8, 2009.
That's the date to make note of - in your PDA, on your wall calendar, somewhere. That's when I'd like you to take the day off from blogging and to simply read something printed. A book. A newspaper. A magazine. Whatever you want. And encourage your family and your friends to read something then, too. Because maybe that will trigger something and folks - especially young folks - will start reading more simply for the joy of reading. Here are some recent statistics from the National Endowment for the Arts.

Only 30% of 13-year-olds read almost every day.
The number of 17-year-olds who never read for pleasure increased from 9 percent in 1984 to 19 percent in 2004; that's 1 in 5 kids who don't read for fun.
Almost half of Americans between ages 18 and 24 never read books for pleasure.
The average person between ages 15 and 24 spends 2 to 2 1/2 hours a day watching TV and 7 minutes reading.

So, if you're a blogger who wants to participate, please take a moment to copy the button above to your sidebar and post about Day to Read. Or about why reading is important to you. Then on Thursday, January 8, 2009, take the day off from blogging and READ! And then come back on Friday the 9th afterward and share your experience.

Thanks!

plz kin haz preznts?

2008-12-02T09:12:00.004-06:00

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(Idea totally stolen from Lisa. Thanks!)

Where have I been?

2008-12-01T16:00:00.002-06:00

Some of you may have noticed that there have not been a lot of posts here lately. Some of you may NOT have noticed that fact. But regardless of whether or not you knew I was missing, I wanted to let you know why I've been absent here. I know - I don't owe you an explanation, but hey ... explanation = blog post.

Halloween came and we decorated and cooked for a big party for the neighborhood. Then Halloween was over and I un-decorated. Then the kids were sick. Then Redheaded Spouse AND the kids were sick. Then they all got well and I got sick. Then Thanksgiving came and went. Then I thought I was all better but then my voice went on strike because it didn't fell all better. And now we're all caught up.

You may now return to your regularly scheduled lives.

Florida ban on gay adoptions ruled unconstitutional

2008-11-25T13:29:00.003-06:00

According to an article in today's online version of the Miami Herald a Miami-Dade circuit judge today declared Florida's 30-year-old ban on gay adoption unconstitutional. Circuit Judge Cindy Lederman permitted 47-year-old Frank Gill to adopt the 4- and 8-year-old boys he and his partner have raised since 2004.

"Based on the evidence presented from experts from all over this country and abroad," Lederman wrote, "it is clear that sexual orientation is not a predictor of a person's ability to parent. Sexual orientation no more leads to psychiatric disorders, alcohol and substance abuse, relationship instability, a lower life expectancy or sexual disorders than race, gender, socioeconomic class or any other demographic characteristic."

The state's Attorney General's office announced they would appeal the decision to the Third District Court of Appeal in Miami.

This is actually the second ruling this year to declare the state's blanket ban on adoption by gay men and lesbians unconstitutional. In August, Monroe Circuit Judge David John Audlin Jr. wrote that Florida's 1977 gay adoption ban arose out of "unveiled expressions of bigotry".

"Disqualifying every gay Floridian from raising a family, enjoying grandchildren or carrying on the family name, based on nothing more than lawful sexual conduct, while assuring child abusers, terrorists, drug dealers, rapists and murderers at least individualized consideration," Audlin wrote, was so "disproportionately severe" that it violates the state and U.S. Constitutions.

Why we have dogs. (A story in pictures)

2008-11-21T09:41:00.006-06:00

Update on Prop. 8

2008-11-14T11:55:00.002-06:00

Andy at Towleroad has the latest Mega Prop 8 Update up, including news, videos, protest locations and links to even more sites.

Haiku Friday: Never

2008-11-14T11:16:00.002-06:00

Disease, poverty,
The endless winter of war -
Children should not die!

Thank you!

2008-11-11T12:57:00.004-06:00

Most Americans today are echoing Barack Obama's mantra of "Yes we can!" Unfortunately, at the same time, they are also saying to some minorities "No you can't." And that's not what I put MY life on the line for during the 9 years I was in the Navy.

But because I love my country, I did serve - just as countless other men and women who might disagree with the actions of their government did before me and continue to do today. So a sincere THANK YOU, veterans and active-duty military members, from the bottom of my heart for your service to our county so that ~~all~~ most of us can retain all the rights guaranteed to us by our federal and state constitutions.

Olbermann on Prop. 8

2008-11-11T09:48:00.002-06:00

If I weren't married, I'd have to be giving some serious attention to Keith. Here's his commentary on California's passage of Proposition 8 and gay marriage in general.

(A transcript of the above can be found at MSNBC's News Hole blog.)

Ban Christian Divorces

2008-11-11T09:23:00.001-06:00

Jesus' General has a new post about where the Talibangelists should be concentrating their efforts: a Constitutional amendment to ban Christian divorce. After all, if they can ban gay marriage even though Jesus never preached against it, they should be more than willing to ban those things that Jesus DID preach against - like divorce. And usury. And revenge. And murder. And hate.

Haiku Friday: Marriage

2008-11-07T09:08:00.003-06:00

What would Jesus do?
Let everyone get married!
Love is not evil.

It's over ... It's just starting

2008-11-06T08:37:00.003-06:00

I had to let it all sink in, post-election, but now I've got a few thoughts. Which - like it or not - I'm sharing.

Barack Obama's election is historic in many ways, not the least of which is that a biracial man from a broken lower middle-class home has been elected to the highest office in our country. African-Americans - all Americans, in fact - have every right to hold their heads up high, proud of the social progress that our country has made in the past century. But the sweetness of Obama's win on Tuesday is countered for many by the bitterness of the simultaneous further denial of full and equal rights for all our citizens - the LGBT citizens of this country. Ironically, many of the same people who celebrated Obama's election as being ordained by God also celebrated the denial of rights to LGBT folks for exactly the same reason. Yes, we've come a long way, but we still have a very long way yet to go. Until EVERY CITIZEN enjoys all the same rights and privileges, this is still not a truly free country. A country under Barack Obama and a new infusion of legislative blood has a much better chance of starting to rectify these inequities than our country under George Bush ... but apparently not a really big chance. Encouraged by their success last Tuesday in California, Florida, Arizona and Arkansas, the Religious Reich is now vowing to once again spread their agenda of hatred to all the states. From Richard Combs, President of the Christian Coalition of America:

The American people are proud of their fellow citizens in the states of California, Florida and Arizona for upholding traditional marriage between one man and one woman. Christian Coalition of America will continue to fight to ensure that government serves to strengthen and preserve, rather than threaten, our families and our values. Thus far, 30 states have outlawed homosexual "marriages" by an average close to 70% approval by voters through amendments to the state constitutions. In addition, the voters in Arkansas yesterday approved a measure banning unmarried couples from serving as adoptive or foster parents. It will be the goal of Christian Coalition to ensure that the other 20 states adopt similar amendments banning homosexual "marriages" including the states of Massachusetts and Connecticut which also had two judicial decisions, by one vote margins, legalizing these abominations.

Further evidence that we Americans made the right choice in electing Barack Obama and Joe Biden. Carl Cameron at ~~Faux~~Fox News is now reporting that the Sarah Palin problems within the McCain campaign were worse than they let on.

I wish I could have told you more at the time but all of it was put off the record until after the election. There was great concern in the McCain campaign that Sarah Palin lacked the degree of knowledgeability necessary to be a running mate, a vice president, and a heartbeat away from the presidency. We're told by folks that she didn't know what countries were in NAFTA, the North American Free Trade Agreement, that being the Canada, the US, and Mexico. We're told she didn't understand that Africa was a continent rather than a country just in itself ... a whole host of questions that caused serious problems about her knowledgeability. She got very angry at staff, thought that she was mishandled.....was particularly angry about the way the Katie Couric interview went. She didn't accept preparation for that interview when the aides say that that was part of the problem. And that there were times that she was hard to control emotionally there's talk of temper tantrums at bad news clippings.

And Newsweek has this added piece of news:

Palin's shopping spree at high-end department stores was more extensive than previously reported. While publicly supporting Palin, McCain's top advisers privately fumed at what they regarded as her outrageous profligacy. One senior aide said that Nicolle Wallace had told Palin to buy three suits for the convention and hire a stylist. But instead, the vice presidential nominee began buying for herself and her family-clothes and accessories from top stores such as Saks Fifth Avenue and Neiman Marcus. According to two knowledgeable sources, a vast majority of the clothes were bought by a wealthy donor, who was shocked when he got the bill. Palin also used low-level staffers to buy some of the clothes on their credit cards. The McCain campaign found out last week when the aides sought reimbursement. One aide estimated that she spent "tens of thousands" more than the reported $150,000, and that $20,000 to $40,000 went to buy clothes for her husband. Some articles of clothing have apparently been lost. An angry aide characterized the shopping spree as "Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast."

Please let this be the last we hear about this "hockey mom".

So Little Time, So Much Damage

2008-11-04T13:01:00.003-06:00

An editorial in today's New York Times points out that while Duhbya has less than 77 days left in office [see my countdown in the sidebar over there⇒ for the exact time], he's not about to waste any of it. In fact, his administration is picking up the pace with regard to dismantling environmental, privacy and abortion protections. In the words of the NYT,

"...it could take months, or years, for the next president to identify and then undo all of the damage."

(Assuming the next president WANTS to undo the damage.)

Want an example? How about the Environmental Protection Agency not protecting the environment at all? It is about to

"...issue a final rule that would make it easier for coal-fired power plants to locate near national parks in defiance of longstanding Congressional mandates to protect air quality in areas of special natural or recreational value."

And there's a bunch more, sure to piss off lots of folks. Go raise your blood pressure - read the editorial.

Just do it!

2008-11-04T12:17:00.002-06:00

I don't care who you vote for (actually, I do but that's not the point) as long as you just get out there and DO IT! Vote, that is.

Haiku Friday: Tonight

2008-10-31T11:27:00.002-05:00

Darth Vader, Joker
And vampires begging for treats.
Happy Halloween!

Another award

2008-10-30T13:08:00.002-05:00

I'm only a week late with this. Suzy at Hollywood: Where Hot Comes to Die gave me another Brillante Weblog Premio award. And no, neither one of us knows what it's for but it sounds cool, doesn't it?

Yet another car conversation

2008-10-28T16:30:00.004-05:00

Last Saturday, Fireball went to a sleep-over Halloween party (now THERE is a brave mom!) and on Sunday I went to pick her up. She brought to the car a small bag of goodies from the party and as we were driving home I heard the crinkling of cellophane from the back seat. At that point, the following conversation ensued:

Jami: "What is that I smell? It smells like some kind of berry."

Fireball: "THAT is the smell of fresh candy! I'm telling you, my friend, this is the really good stuff!"

J: "Well, I'm telling YOU not to load up on the junk food, OK?"

[silence broken only by more crinkling noises]

J: "Did you hear what I said?"

FB: "What? Sorry but ... ssssskkkkkc ... breaking ... chchchchsssss ... [lots of crinkling noises] ... say again you're ... kkkkkkkksss ... ing up!"

[more intermittent crinkling noises, interspersed with stifled laughter from both front and back seats, until finally ... ]

FB: "Can you hear me now?"

Pray for me; she's only 7.

Transsexual gene link identified

2008-10-28T09:07:00.002-05:00

Some excerpts from an article at the BBC Online:

Australian researchers have identified a significant link between a gene involved in testosterone action and male-to-female transsexualism.

and

"There is a social stigma that transsexualism is simply a lifestyle choice, however our findings support a biological basis of how gender identity develops."

Go read the whole thing.

Another car conversation

2008-10-23T16:51:00.003-05:00

Last weekend, I was driving somewhere with both kids in the car. Pink Guy and I were in front, Fireball was in back (she's still too small to ride up front).

Fireball: "Why did you go in the Navy?"

Jami: "Because I didn't want to go in the Army and run around in the jungle and get shot at by strangers."

FB: "But why the Navy?"

J: "Because they had the submarines. I had wanted to be either a pilot or a submariner but because I didn't have perfect vision and had to wear glasses, I couldn't be pilot. So I had to be a submariner."

FB: "So you didn't go in the Air Force because you couldn't be a pilot? And the Air Force didn't have submarines?"

J: "You got it. No ships in the air, no planes under the water."

FB: "Well, unless the plane crashes over the ocean."

Wrong for America?

2008-10-23T10:20:00.001-05:00

Round and brown ...

2008-10-23T08:56:00.001-05:00

You Are a Powdered Devil's Food Donut

A total sweetheart on the outside, you love to fool people with your innocent image.
On the inside you're a little darker, richer, and more complex.
You're a hedonist who demands more than one pleasure at a time.
Decadent and daring, you test the limits of human indulgence.

What Donut Are You?

R.I.P. Bill

2008-10-17T22:41:00.001-05:00

William Hardy
Jan. 19, 1933 - Oct. 14, 2008

We will all miss you, Bill.

Haiku Friday: Lunch

2008-10-17T13:46:00.003-05:00

Empty and angry,
My stomach just keeps growling
"Where the hell is lunch?"

Night

2008-10-15T15:17:00.002-05:00

Black and white moonlight.
Stars wheel above a questing owl.
Peace comes after dark.

It's supposed to help

2008-10-14T17:17:00.002-05:00

Belgium is one of a number of countries in the world where voting in elections is compulsory. If a citizen doesn't vote, there are legal repercussions. If citizens fail to vote in 4 elections in a 15-year period, they are penalized. What's the penalty? They're not allowed to vote for 10 years! So, if they don't vote, they can't vote? Use it or lose it? Does that make sense?

Gay marriage? Just say "No"

2008-10-13T14:43:00.004-05:00

Some suggest that gay marriage will undermine one of our most fundamental societal institutions, causing countless straight couples to get divorced because exclusion of gays was the only thing holding their marriage together. Here are 10 other reasons that same-sex marriage needs to be excluded from American society:

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people encourages you to be tall.

3) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we in America expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even marry their pets because you know dogs have full legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

(This post originally came from Lireal at the Experience Project via Jenn in Holland.)

Haiku Friday: Fall

2008-10-10T13:35:00.001-05:00

Cooler and darker.
Fallen leaves blown by the wind.
Autumn has arrived!

"That's so gay" = That's not nice

2008-10-09T13:41:00.005-05:00

Do your kids use the phrase "That's so gay", especially in a derogatory way? Does it bother you? (If it doesn't, it should.) Perhaps you should take a look at a new PSA ad campaign just released by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) in conjunction with The Advertising Council entitled "Think B4 You Speak". The new campaign, which features Hilary Duff and Wanda Sykes, aims to raise awareness among straight teens about the prevalence and consequences of anti-LGBT bias and behavior in America's schools. Ultimately, the goal is to reduce or even prevent the use of homophobic language in an effort to create a more positive environment for LGBT teens. And that's a good thing.

The announcement of the campaign can be found at PR Newswire. There's a link there to the actual ads or you can go directly to Think B4 You Speak to see them.

A long time

2008-10-07T12:57:00.002-05:00

OK - I'm kinda sorta back, but still recovering from Ike-induced PTSD symptoms. I will, however, be OK. "Thank you very much!" to everyone who commented here and sent me emails in support. However, I KNOW that as crappy as our situation was, some people had it a lot worse. I know this because one of those who did have it worse is a member of my family.

My sister's husband is dying; it's unlikely that he will see another Thanksgiving. He was under in-home hospice care when Ike roared through town and turned off their electricity, necessitating his being moved to an actual hospice facility. Their power outage lasted 3 days longer than mine (over 2 weeks!), but he finally came home last weekend. Because my sister has been trying to work and stay with my brother-in-law at all other times, NOTHING has been cleaned up at their house. My brother and I were at their place last weekend and will be there again next weekend getting their yard cleared out and back to something approximating pre-Ike normalcy. To say that my sister is stressed is a major understatement. Our father died on Thanksgiving several years ago, and it is now one of her biggest fears that her husband will go on the same day. She needs some serious decompression - as do we all - but helping her get through her days has helped me get through mine.

In the midst of all this destruction and dying, I overheard someone say, "Life is short." And it occurred to me then that as often as I've heard that phrase and accepted it, it's just not true. For each one of us who is alive or who has ever lived, the one thing we spend the entirety of our lives doing ... is LIVING. Our lives are not short; they are long - they ARE our lifetime. So, if something that takes a long time is referred to as "taking a lifetime", it only stands to reason that a lifetime IS a long time. So, I'm not ever again going to say that life is short. It may not be long enough to suit some of us, but that isn't the same thing as being short.

What's wrong?

2008-09-29T14:48:00.004-05:00

What the hell is wrong? With me? I've been meaning to write up my Hurricane Ike "adventures" and kept putting it off until it was all over - when we got electricity back. Well, that happened late Friday afternoon but in case you haven't noticed, there's still no big blog entry here about it all. And there just might not be, based on how I feel right now.

About noon on Friday, I reached some kind of limit I wasn't even sure I had. After two weeks of moving extension cords around the house, trying to cook on a single-burner camp stove, worrying about having enough gasoline to keep the generator going, using plastic plates and cups and utensils, hurried showers at a friend's house and zero time alone to decompress and process things, I decided to take a little "Me" time and go have my eyebrows threaded Friday afternoon. Now, the woman who has been performing this service for me is a terrific, wonderful, caring person who immediately saw that I was more than a little stressed when I arrived and therefore offered me a few minutes of quiet alone time, lying on her comfy almost-a-bed table before starting. But by the time she returned, I was in full sobbing breakdown mode, simply overwhelmed by dealing with it all (whatever the fuck "it" is) without a break. She calmed me down, sympathized, consoled and hugged me. Then she shaped my eyebrows. And you want to know how nice this woman is? She even cleaned up my runny ruined mascara for me before letting me up get up from her table.

When I got home, I took my son with me to buy gasoline for the generator and by the time we returned, our electricity was back on! So then I had to shut down the generator, plug things back in to wall outlets, turn on breakers, check that everything was functional again, remove the extension cords strung through the house and start cleaning up now that the mess was visible. Then I just stopped. I've been stopped ever since. I've got no energy and no initiative. Yes, I came to work today, and I'm doing my job (OK, not right this second because writing blog posts is not in my job description.) but I'm having to force myself. This is SO not me. There are a buttload of things I need to do, but ennui has set in big-time. I didn't play Haiku Friday. I didn't post about getting another piece featured at Blogger's Annex. I haven't posted my Ike story. I don't want to do anything. And I don't care.

Hurricane Season

2008-09-25T16:01:00.003-05:00

This is not an original post; I got it from a co-worker, also an Ike victim. This would be a lot funnier if it weren't so close to the truth. I'm allowed to post this, BTW, because I still don't have electricity at my house (that I'm not making with my generator) and if I can't laugh at something, I might just go out and rip down a tree all by myself!

Top Ten Reasons Hurricane Season Is Like Christmas

Number Ten:
Decorating the house (with wood products).

Number Nine:
Dragging out boxes that haven't been used since last season.

Number Eight:
Last minute shopping in crowded stores.

Number Seven:
Regular TV shows pre-empted for 'Specials'.

Number Six:
Family coming to stay with you.

Number Five:
Family and friends from out of state calling you.

Number Four:
Buying food you don't normally buy . . . and in large quantities.

Number Three:
Days off from work.

Number Two:
Candles and lanterns.

And the Number One reason Hurricane Season is like Christmas:
At some point you're probably going to have a tree in your house!

Transgender Television

2008-09-25T11:43:00.002-05:00

For those of you who have been living in the wilderness for the past year or so, I wanted to let you know that there are now transgendered folks on TV!