Re-Election Letter
(StolenBorrowed from Radical Russ at Pam's House Blend.)
Dear Constituent,
As your Republican representative in Congress, I am urging you to return me to Congress this election to continue the great work of our Republican party.
Sure, we're still in Iraq after three years, we're accepting forty-year-olds, criminals, and retards into the Army to keep fighting, uh, something, our combat zones have devolved into a civil war, terrorism is more common now than before our invasion, we now torture, rape and murder civilians, our prisoners of war are afforded no civil rights, Iran's about to go nuclear, North Korea is testing missiles, gasoline has doubled in price, the minimum wage is still $5.15, good paying jobs have been replaced with part-time McJobs, our trade deficit has put us in hock to China, our budget deficit is larger than ever, New Orleans was wiped off the map and a year later the place is still a disaster, the government is spying on its own citizens, and the administration is rife with corruption and scandal and we in the Congress haven't done squat about it. But, of course, you realize that this was all precipitated by eight years of Bill Clinton lulling us to sleep with prosperity, security, and sex scandals and, well, you know, 9/11 changed everything.
As your Republican representative, I assure you that we have the answer to all of these problems -- it's the gays, you see, and the trannies. The gays and the trannies and the abortionists. And the stoners. Especially the gay trannie stoner illegal immigrant abortionists. Who burn the flag, hate America and the Bible, play violent video games, and want to replace the Ten Commandments with David Letterman's Top Ten Fun Things To Do On This Earth That Will Send You Straight To Hellfire And Eternal Damnation. Only when we succeed in banning gay marriage and adoption, abortion, birth control and fun will we ever stand a chance at returning America to the glorious days of yesteryear, say, about 1948 (when women and blacks and Mexicans didn't mess up the voting process and men were men ... who loved women.)
Sincerely,
Your Republican Representative
Dear Constituent,
As your Republican representative in Congress, I am urging you to return me to Congress this election to continue the great work of our Republican party.
Sure, we're still in Iraq after three years, we're accepting forty-year-olds, criminals, and retards into the Army to keep fighting, uh, something, our combat zones have devolved into a civil war, terrorism is more common now than before our invasion, we now torture, rape and murder civilians, our prisoners of war are afforded no civil rights, Iran's about to go nuclear, North Korea is testing missiles, gasoline has doubled in price, the minimum wage is still $5.15, good paying jobs have been replaced with part-time McJobs, our trade deficit has put us in hock to China, our budget deficit is larger than ever, New Orleans was wiped off the map and a year later the place is still a disaster, the government is spying on its own citizens, and the administration is rife with corruption and scandal and we in the Congress haven't done squat about it. But, of course, you realize that this was all precipitated by eight years of Bill Clinton lulling us to sleep with prosperity, security, and sex scandals and, well, you know, 9/11 changed everything.
As your Republican representative, I assure you that we have the answer to all of these problems -- it's the gays, you see, and the trannies. The gays and the trannies and the abortionists. And the stoners. Especially the gay trannie stoner illegal immigrant abortionists. Who burn the flag, hate America and the Bible, play violent video games, and want to replace the Ten Commandments with David Letterman's Top Ten Fun Things To Do On This Earth That Will Send You Straight To Hellfire And Eternal Damnation. Only when we succeed in banning gay marriage and adoption, abortion, birth control and fun will we ever stand a chance at returning America to the glorious days of yesteryear, say, about 1948 (when women and blacks and Mexicans didn't mess up the voting process and men were men ... who loved women.)
Sincerely,
Your Republican Representative
On 8/10/2006 8:58 PM,
SoulPony said…
That was the best thing I've read in a while. You might have a little déjà vu if you visit my blog. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'.
On 8/11/2006 9:46 AM,
Michael Bains said…
Niiiiiice.
Glad you reproduced the whole thing.
Post a Comment