Men are happier

[Before I start, I want to apologize to some people who might have been expecting a different post: sorry. The other post was just getting too long and didn't look either funny or even interesting, so I quit it. Instead, I will be replaying some old material. My bad. And me bad, too.]

Their last name stays put. The garage is all theirs. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. They can never be pregnant. They can wear a white T-shirt to a water park; they can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell them the truth. The world is their urinal. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. People never stare at their chest when talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle their feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. They know stuff about tanks. A one-week vacation requires only one small suitcase. They get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Their underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. They almost never have strap problems in public. They don't think about how their toes look in sandals. They are unable to see wrinkles in their clothes. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. They only have to shave their face and neck. They can play with toys all their life. Their belly usually hides their big hips. One wallet and one color for all seasons. They can do their nails with a pocket knife. They have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. They can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier. What do you expect from such simple creatures?